The Woman Malady
by Jay
Tuesday, October 21, 2003 - 6:40 PM
I actually don't have much to say today other than I've
been getting alot of rants from the other Reddie Ranters and I
figured I would add a little something of my own to this massive
update.
A few of you have e-mailed me asking why there haven't been any updates
in a while, and this time I can actually give you a legit answer
other than "I'm too busy" or "I'm too lazy" or "I was attacked by a
rabid chinchilla". You see, a new disease is currently
spreading through ranks of Reddie Rants faster than botulism through
the Caddo Cafeteria. This disease has currently struck three of us
here at RR, and soon it will strike one of our guest ranters as
well. While I could list all the horrors this new disease
brings upon our innocent little lives, it's best to just list the
essential ones:
Yes, we are dying. There's no telling when it will happen,
but one day we will die. Our deaths might not be directly caused by
this disease (although in my
case the disease is surely speeding things up a bit) but be
assured, we are all dying.
It takes all of our energy to fight the disease.
We now isolate ourselves from others to focus on maintaining our
health, and a new form of social anxiety has struck us. Also,
insomnia is now apart of our daily lives. I was unable to fall
asleep until 5:15 AM the other night, and that was earlier than
normal.
In some harsh cases the disease will cause internal bleeding, infertility (thank god I don't have a picture of that), and not to mention mass confusion, delirium and paranoia.
So basically our lives are falling apart due to this disease. I recommend all of you stay away from us until we are over it (then again, maybe that is the "social anxiety" talking). But rest assured, we will over come this and be back on our feet as soon as the relenting disease allows us. Until then enjoy the morsels of delight I have left for your entertainment (linked above and below).
In hindsight, I realize that I used the word "disease" far too many times in the last few paragraphs. Luckily, I have my trusty Thesaurus to help find new words which will better describe what we are going through.
Thoughts: The
phone message left by James was too funny for me NOT to post it,
no other explanation needed.
And as for our newfound emancipation from bachelorhood, I
really can't call it a disease because it is really more of an
temporary ailment. One day I will develop enough antibodies where I
will be able to say "no" when requested to do inane tasks for the
relentlessly tyrannical (yet ever-so beautiful)
woman. On that day I will reestablish my freedom from being told
"what to do" and "doing her every beckoning". The roles will switch
and it suddenly my "free time" will be mine once again and it will
be her who follows me everywhere I go and does all of
my inane tasks! But until then I will have to live under the title
of "whipped" and walk around with my head shamefully lowered to the
ground. I'm sure the James and Paul are going through the same thing
as well, but once they are free we shall rule this campus
(website) once again!
Interestingly enough, some truth does fit the "disease"
description. Since I've started dating my girlfriend has gone though
a relapse of mono and an instance of strep throat, and yet here I
sit healthy as a horse. I think all the years of eating corrupted
food at the cafeteria have given me a godlike immune system. I
guess in the end, drinking all that freshly stocked sour milk was
good for something.
And for those of you wondering, yes, my girlfriend is
out of town and unable to yell at me for this rant. By time she
reads it I'll be long gone and free from her wrath.
Deja Vu: In the few months that site has been up I've never
asked you to vote for us, because quite frankly it doesn't bother me
what number we are on the comic list. Recently, I added a new
vote button for a site which seems to be pretty cool and helpful
in the long run. So now all I ask is that you vote for us
every now and then (or if you're totally cool, once a day).
But don't do it for my apathetic self, do it for everyone else who
reads the site. Help pass the joy of Reddie Rants to people outside
of Henderson State University. And who knows, if we suddenly get
enough votes and rise in the ranks fairly quickly then I'll have
enough incentive to update the comic on a frequent basis.
SO
VOTE!!!
Unfortunately, not all of you will be able to vote. If you are a student on HSU campus and you try to vote but it says you've already voted, then that means someone else on campus has already voted. Due to the campus firewall every student computer on campus has the same IP address. thus the website thinks it is one person trying to vote 20 times rather than 20 different computers trying to vote separately. Faculty computers, on the other hand, are free game so feel free to vote on those instead.
On a side note... and people wonder why I want to work in San Francisco instead of Little Rock...
- J, "Yes ma'am" "Whatever you say, milady" "As you wish"
Currently watching: Lost in Translation
Currently playing: trying to pick up Disgaea again
Currently listening to: Yo-yo Ma: Obrigado Brazil
Currently reading: Isaac Asimov's Book of Facts
