Tips on Success
      by Paul

  
  Saturday, September 6, 2003 - 1:33 PM

  I will now give away my secrets as to how to survive college.  Many, many college students feel a great amount of pressure when they come to college.  Duh.  Those of us who have the balls to actually leave home and go somewhere (mind you I’m very sympathetic to those who financially cannot afford to leave, but to those of you who cannot motivate your sorry butts to leave home I have no tears) feel a bit under pressure because mommy and daddy can no longer help us.  So of course we feel freakin stress.  In addition to that we have all kinds of social groups, academic demands and all of this with the shock of the fact that no one gives us a bed time anymore! 

   All these things add up to one thing: college stupidity.  And you thought I would say failure.  No, failure follows stupidity.  Stupidity comes first I will tell you.  And so here I am to offer some legitimate advice for those of you who are feeling the crunch and for those of you who have felt the crunch and for some sick, sadistic reason want to relive it.

 
Tip #1: Prioritize
Figure out what is important.  First, if you have a scholarship, find out the requirements for it.  You actually have to keep a certain GPA to keep every scholarship out there.  Surprised?  You hopefully aren’t.  If you are, the minimum GPA is usually 3.0 so keep notes.  If you lose your scholarship, no more school and you get to be a PROFESSIONAL BURGER FLIPPER for the rest of your life.  No offense to all the professional burger flippers out there.  Do what it takes to take care of business.

 
Tip #2: Be social
I can’t emphasize this enough.  Talk to the people you go to class with.  Talk to your roommate.  Talk to me!  Talk to Jay!  Talk to any of the freakin ranters!  Talk to your teachers.  Make friends with any of the above!  Just don’t feel like rush is the only option you have for social organizations.  I at this stage would like to announce that I am not a member of any frat or sorority and I oppose them on principle, but anyone who wishes to rush should think twice.  It is not the fact that they are bad organizations, you must make that decision once you see them.  It is instead a question of whether or not you have the time to do all the things they ask you to do.  Just a thought.  Frats and sororities are perfectly fine social things just remember my advice.

 
Tip #3: Capitalize on your sociality
Got a friend?  Maybe he’s taken your class before.  Need to study?  Maybe he/she has tests you could use.  Have a friend in the faculty and you need a letter of recommendation?  Ask them to help you.  Use your contacts to help get yourself along.  Don’t forget to reciprocate the favors for anyone who asks, otherwise you’ll be slime who should be shot. 

Tip #4: Go to Class
I very rarely study.  People ask, “Why don’t you study?”  My usual answer is, “I don’t want to.”  However, my other answer is almost as often repeated is, “I don’t need to.”  Guess what folks?  College is not high school.  Busy work is very rarely doled out here, and as such all you need to do is go to class, stay awake and listen.  If that’s not enough, read the book.  That’s all you freakin need.  Go to class and you will most certainly fulfill all of the other objectives.  This tip, although the last is the most important because if you fulfill this tip first the others will come naturally.  If you put the others above this one, there is a potential for this on not to succeed and as such I will not be seeing your shining face back here on campus next semester.  And that makes meesa sad. 

 
Conclusion: All of you are great (even the retarded kid in the back with no arms, legs, or head) and I want to see each of you succeed here.  Even if you were and underachiever in high school (I know I was) that shouldn’t stop you from succeeding here.  Just stay away from the bad juju and kick it with the good mojo.  See ya around campus!

   Paul - The infraggable one (no matter how many times you tell me to roll my freakin toes in marching band).

Currently working on: Two sermons
Currently watching: Nothing, I'm sitting at the freakin computer!
Currently eating: Nothing, Caddo (Cafeteria) sucked
Currently listening to: Bon Jovi "Bounce"
Currently playing: Warcraft III, Star Wars Rebellion, and Diablo 2
Current bowel status: empty
Current (oh what the hell do you care?)