Job Search
      by Paul


  Friday, July 16,  2004 - 12:46 PM

 
   All right folks, after returning to CO for the summer, yours truly has realized several things: First, college students are lazy. Come to think of it, let's start with that one.  I have met no less than 20 college students in this town alone (where I avoid campuses like the plague, and large gatherings of them are completely distasteful) who either don't have jobs or are completely averse to getting one. To those people, shut up. Silence now, or I will unleash the rabid gerbils from their cages to consume you with the LARGE POINTY TEETH! (Monty Python joke) If you're not willing to get a job, I have no words for you. We'll leave it at that.

   Second, SMOKE BREAKS! Oh My Lord, I want to strangle, castrate, flail, cauterize, rinse, and repeat every person who must take a smoke break every 1/2 hour, every hour, or even every 2 or 3 hours during their shift! Not only this, but THESE PEOPLE TAKE THEIR BREAKS WHILE I WORK, COME BACK TO WORK AND FREAKIN COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW MUCH SMOKING COSTS THEM! To these people I calmly say the same thing as to those who drink too much. STOP SMOKING! STOP IT! IT COSTS YOU MONEY, LIFE, AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE!

But Paul you say, black lungs are so IN this year! Black is the new Black! (The things people do for fashion.) On a side note: (YOU IN THE BACK STOP GROANING BECAUSE OF THE SIDE NOTE!) SOMEONE TAKE ALL THE MONEY AWAY FROM THE TRUTH.COM CAMPAIGN! Do it NOW! I am absolutely sick, disgusted, and flat out mortified that perfectly good profits that people paid knowingly to tobacco companies are now being siphoned into this living, festering cauldron of propaganda. And not only that, but these twisted folks think its hilarious to take things that were FUNNY and make them completely ANTIFUNNY! That's right, antifunny folks. It's not even unfunny it is the antithesis, arch nemesis, most opposite of funny you can get. I heard a freakin radio commercial that came on and said, "And now the clubbing of a baby seal." I started to laugh! Unfortunately, it was immediately followed with some general statement about how it was done to protest smoking. And that made me vomit.

Stupid Truth campaign is almost on par with the Amazing Department of News in China with its level of propaganda. Remember kids: smoking is horrible and you might die. NO FREAKIN WAY! I THOUGHT TAR IN MY LUNGS HELPED ME BREATHE BETTER AND LOOK BETTER! I DIDN'T KNOW IT MIGHT KILL ME! Come on folks, we need to approach life with a little common sense! If you smoke a carton of cigarettes a day for 10 years and die, who'da thunk?!

Also brought to you from the same freedom suckers who are attacking your right to destroy your body: ANTI-BIG FAST FOOD! This is COMPLETELY ridiculous and out of control! Who in this room has worked in a fast food joint, raise your hands! And to all those people who didn't raise their hands, have you seen a fat person in a fast food joint? Good, now we're on the same page. Who has not chuckled in extreme amusement at the humongous individual who orders, "I'd like a Grande Size Value Meal with a Triple Mondo Burger with extra bacon, meat, tomato, and fries with that. But wait, I'm on a diet, so hold the mayonnaise and I'll have a Diet Coke." THAT'S FUNNY! We think to ourselves, "does this person really believe he/she will actually succeed in their dieting expectations merely by taking those small provisions?! OF COURSE NOT! And is it not their RIGHT to choose to be extremely FAT? But no, we are being told that our bodies are SEDUCED by the aromas of these grease pits. We have no CHOICE but to turn to the blasted lawyers to save us! HELP US BIG LEGAL HELP US WHO HAVE NO FREAKIN SELF CONTROL AND CAN'T STOP FROM TAKING THE BITE OFF OF THIS JUICY QUADRUPLE CHEESEBURGER! If you believe in this kind of bologna then buy a freakin plane ticket to Europe and go live in the EU! They take all your freedoms there and people supposedly live extremely happy there. I prefer to eat my super-sized fries in peace.
 

  Paul - May he never be replaced again because of his laziness!

Currently working: Way too much
Currently pondering: sleep and the 04 election
Currently plotting: To do something completely mundane for once
Currently time: 2:00 AM Mountain time i.e., 30 minutes after hearing the crack of Jay's whip
Currently sleeping: 4-5 hours a night