What To Do For The Rest Of Your Life
      by Brenna

         Tuesday, October 21, 2003 - 8:08 PM

 
            This is one of my rare inspired rants. Instead of just writing about the first random thing that comes to my head, I am actually writing about something that I feel strongly about, something that I have been pondering in depth for about the past week. What to do for the rest of your life.

             The high school that I went to was not the best in the elective department, and our options were limited to band, choir, or agriculture. With this limitation, I didn't get much exposure to things that I might have found interesting, so I had to develop actual hobbies. One of my hobbies was working with computers, and so it seemed fairly obvious to me that I would continue to study computers after high school. I had grown up around computers. And when I started college a year ago, there were no doubts in my mind about my major, computer science.

             I started my freshman year taking Foundations of Computer Science 1 along with the typical general education classes, and I found Foundations 1 pretty interesting. I didn't have a tough time in the class and I enjoyed it as far as class went, and this only reassured me of my decision. Then in the Spring semester I took Foundations of Computer Science II, but my interest started to wane and I grew bored. However, I just figured it was my natural reaction to the course material becoming more involved and slightly more difficult. Soon, I found myself dreading the class and hating the assignments, but once again I figured that I would soon get over it. But what started as apathy and about my assignments, soon turned to loathing. Not surprisingly, I ended up having to retake the class. I had only made a 'D'. My dread for this class started anew.

             I started Fall semester this year retaking Foundations II, and I have found a similar reaction. The only thing different is there was no in between stage of apathy, for my emotions had gone straight to loathing. Just this afternoon, I sat working on an assignment that I hated. Then I thought, "Why am I putting myself though this?" It was all my decision, and it was all self-inflicted. While this probably seems pretty 'duh' to most people, I do not usually take emotions into consideration when making my decisions, so this came as a revelation. But the important thing is, this is only the second class for this major, and I was planning on doing this for the rest of my life.

             But I had reached a problem: 'I have spent a over a school year studying for this so why quit now?' was waging war with 'Why do it if you are only going to be miserable for the rest of your life?'. My second line of logic won over, and I decided that Computer Science just wasn't for me. But what was I going to do now? I had never even thought about the possibility of doing anything else when I started school here at Henderson. Should I immediately declare another major, or go undecided for a while? I sat and thought about it for a while, but soon I just felt worn out. To try to ease my mind, I pulled out my trusty copy of The Silmarillion, and then it hit me. I might have like to mess with computers for fun, but my real passion had always been books.

             I looked back to my public school years and I can remember the classes that I enjoyed most were my literature classes, but I had only taken one literature class here at college. But that one literature class was the most enjoyable class I have taken here, and I realized then what I wanted to go into the English field. Suddenly, I felt a wave of stress just go away, and I knew that I had made my decision. I decided that I had to change my major.  

            I know that I am probably going to catch some smack from other Computer Science majors, but I don't really care. I realize that Computer Science, just like anything else, is not for everyone, and I am just moving on to something that I find more interesting. Something that I enjoy doing is much more important to me than worrying about the approval of someone who doesn't really matter anyway. So tomorrow, I am going to drop Foundations II and get on with my life, free of a great weight that had been laying on me for quite some time. And maybe now I can start enjoying my college experience.

 
Brenna,  All we ever wanted was everything

Currently watching:  Monty Python and the Holy Grail (for the 500th time :) )
Currently Playing:   Mind games with myself
Currently Listening to:  Stigmata Martyr, Bauhaus
Currently Reading:   The Skies of Pern, Anne McCaffery