Whut in tarnation t'do, whut t'do...
Mah free time at wawk jest started t'accumulate, so whuffo' not
create a page fo' daily observashuns an' ponnerin's on life so ah can occupy
said free time! Whut in tarnation a great a idea, ah reckon ah jest will, ah
reckon...
Disclaimer: Th' opinions expressed wifin this column is them of th' writer an' th' writer only, an' does not necessarily refleck them of HSU. Eff'n sumpin offends yo' then read the rules of this hyar site. Regardless, jest set an' injoy these ramblin's an' reckanize thet th' writer is only diggin' hisse'f deeper an' deeper into a hole...
March 14, 2002 - "Programmin' today is a race between sof'ware ingineers strivin' t'build mo' trimenjus an' better idiot-proof programs, an' th' Unyverse tryin' t'prodooce mo' trimenjus an' better idiots. So far, th' Unyverse is winnin'." (Rich Cook)
Today I have decided to do something different. I think
every Friday my page should change drastically for one day just to cater to the
different dialects we have in Arkansas. So today to start off the trend
I'll have the entire page be in "Redneck dialect" since deep down, we are all
rednecks, right (or not)? But hey, I'll cater to everyone's needs, if
reading this page is too hard for you to understand, then just read the
Normal Page and try to compare
sentences on each page to see how they relate. Don't worry, tomorrow
everything will be back to normal so enjoy this while you can, and don't forget:
the ENTIRE page is written in a redneck dialect and not just this post. If you
thought some of my previous posts were funny originally, try reading them now!
Has ennyone looked outside today? It's absolutely go'geous! Whuffo' w'd
ennyone be hankerin' t'stay inside an' wawk on th' computer on a day like this?
Finally, it officially feels like it is Sprin' outside, an' th' college students
are reackin' acco'din'ly. When ah was walkin' t'wawk today ah passed through
th' Quad an' thar were speakers blastin' out great moosic while varmints tosted
a Frisbee t'etch other. Yo' pow'ful c'dn't ax fo' a better day to git out an'
haf some fun, as enny fool kin plainly see...
As fo' me, ev'rythin' seems t'be gwine fine. ah survived mah tuto'in' job
yessuhterday an' even got some pizza outta th' deal, ah reckon. ah's still
surprised of how much math ah can remember even though it's been 4 years on
account o' ah had a math class. ah doesn't reckon ah c'd survive t'other high
level math class, th' last one started pushin' me t'mah limits an' ah was
acshully smart back then, as enny fool kin plainly see. Hopefully, eff'n all
goes as planned ah won't have t'take ennythin' higher than Calculus t'graduate.
On account o' when did yo' need t'knows about derivatives an' limits t'arn an
art degree? ah doesn't plan on physically drawin' mah ray-tracin' projecks
ennytime soon so ah reckon ah sh'd stop mah math career now. Ennyways, af'er ah
returned fum tuto'in' ah was sucked into a "Battle of th' Sexes" game takin'
place in th' lobby of mah do'm, dawgone it. Th' host axed th' guys quesshuns
pertainin' t'gals an' vice vahsa, 'cept all of th' guy-related quesshuns were
fairly easy compared t'th' gal-related quesshuns. Th' gals received quesshuns
like "Whut in tarnation is a double bogie in go'f?", "Whut in tarnation spo't
does Charles Barkley play?", o' "Name th' 5 fambly members in th' Simpsons"
while th' guys received quesshuns about sewin' an' cookin', o' whar t'buy
noshuns. Most of th' guy quesshuns involved famous varmints thet ennyone'd
knows not jest th' guys. To make matters wo'se evah varmint who walked into th'
lobby'd start t'play. Th' only problem was no guys walked in, but th' gals
nearly tripled their participants by th' end of th' game. Oh it was sad indeed,
cuss it all t' tarnation... Of course th' guys lost but it was close in th' end
(15-13). Then agin, it was wo'th it hearin' th' wimmen argue about quesshuns
involvin' tool when it was obvious they had no clue whut they were sayin'. It
was funny until they GUESSED th' right answer fo' three diffrunt quesshuns. Oh
fine, all in all it was still a fun game even eff'n it was
one-sided. Af'er thet ah
reso'ted t'wawkin' in mah room fo' a spell. Later, ah went out an' talked t'some
friends in th' lobby fo' a few hours befo'e haidin' back t'th' room t'sleep.
An' thet folks, was mah Wednesday. As fo' mah Thursday? Wal shoot, ah's behind
agin, ah cain't remember eff'n ah's suppose t'talk about th' previous days
events in etch post o' talk about whut ah did thet day. Considerin' this hyar
is th' "whut ah did today" page ah w'd assoom it's th' latter. Wal I'll ketch
ev'ryone up t'morry then on account o' tonight ah need t'study fo' a Philosophy
tess ah's takin' t'morry an' ah cain't spend th' whole night editin' this page.
So until t'morry, doesn't haftao much fun now ya hear?
-J, who don't *pow'ful* speak redneck. Shet mah mouth!
March 13, 2002 - "Ha'f of th' varmints in th' wo'ld is
below avahage"
Hoo-ha! Fry mah hide! Th' week is ha'f way on over an' ah's startin' t'perk
up already! Fry mah hide! Jest like last Wednesday, ah decided t'carry aroun' a
camera an' docoomnt th' ackshuns aroun' me. It's amazin' whut yo' kin larn fum
jest a few pitchers...
Eff'n yo' wake up befo'e noon, sometimes th' campus looks a
li'l fuzzy
Sometimes a varmint is jest too involved in
Starcraf' t'
turn aroun' an' smile
Eff'n yo' bruise yer
knuckle bad inough, it almost looks like yo' haf a pow'ful dark tan
Eifer ah's shrinkin', o' this hyar guy has his
haid on th' ceilin'.
This hyar "Battle of th' Sexes" game
seems purdy one-sided
Sometimes yer roommate's shoes smell so bad thet they git
kicked out of th'
room
Ev'ry do'm has a guy who fits all the
college pitcher stereotypes
Sometimes yo' doesn't be hankerin' t'knows whut a gal is
lookin' at
As of right now, ah doesn't haf th' time t'put up enny mo'e dexcripshuns of
today's events, but I'll be back t'morry af'ernoon t'finish ev'rythin'. So
until then, beware of pitcher-Wednesdays.
March 12, 2002 - "Eagles may
soar, but weasels doesn't git sucked into jet ingines"
Today is t'other Tuesday, an' yo' knows how ah feel about Tuesdays. Luckily
it warn't thet bad of a day as Tuesdays go, in fack ah had a fairly decent day.
ah showed up t'2/3 of mah classes an' completed all th' taxs given t'me in etch
one. ah turned in mah design fo' th'
HSU Theatre shirt,
an' finished editin' an' printin' mah Typography book. Shet mah mouth! Later ah
progressed 3 levels at th'
Gamin'fo'ce fo'ums
by postin' fo' an hour, a wonnerful use of one's wasted time eff'n yo' ax me,
an' played pool as
usual, ah reckon. As allus sumpin funny happened at th' pool table but we've
had inough pool hoomah fo' now, mebbe later. Later ah prackiced the
piano, talked t'some friends in
Paintin' 1, an' then came back t'mah room an' injoyed a few games of
Starcraf' wif
some do'm friends. Finally ah watched someone play
GTA3 an'
then talked t'a friend fum mah do'm fo' an hour. When she went t'bed ah suddenly
reckanized it was already 1:30AM so ah went straight t'mah room an' hit th'
sack. Shet mah mouth! As yo' kin tell, Tuesday doesn't pow'ful put me in a
dexcrippive mood an' thar is not much ah have t'say about whut ah did today.
Although, ah did haf an embarrassin' phone situashun near th' end of th' night.
ah received about 5 calls in a row fum diffrunt varmints an' on etch one ah
answered wif a courteous "howdy". Af'er receivin' so menny calls fum varmints
in th' do'm ah was rather annoyed an' decided t'stop bein' courteous startin'
wif th' next call, ah reckon. Low an' behold th' phone rang agin an' ah assoomd
it was one of mah friends fum down th' hall callin' agin. ah pick up th' phone
an' reply in mah bess Noo Yawk accent "Ya, whut does YOU want! Fry mah hide!?!
Fry mah hide!"...
Turns out is was mah tutee's Mammy axin' eff'n ah can come t'wawk t'morry t'he'p
her wif her math.
ah's not a-gonna say whut happened
next, but ah will say thet ah ran through menny shades of red in only matter of
seconds. Luckily ah still haf a tutee an' a job on Wednesday, an' ah git free
pizza outta th' deal t'boot. Still it warn't a pleasant experience.
Finally, fo' them of yo' who noticed, ah didn't post ennythin' about mah
Monday. This hyar is mainly due t'th' fack thet ah spent 4 hours writin' th'
J-cap an' then wawked on all of mah projecks due today. Mah brain is still
fried fum all thet writin' an' ah doesn't remember much else fum Monday on
account o' nothin' of enny significance happened, cuss it all t' tarnation. ah
did post sumpin in th' J-cap about Monday mo'nin' so cornsider thet th' Monday
post. So until next time, lets hope yo' does th' right thin'.
-J, who's hopin' fo' a better t'morry.
March 11, 2002- "Weasels may be sly, but
eagles doesn't git helter-skelter ovah by cars"
Who'd haf thunk th' weekend'd haf gone by so quickly? Wal, now thet a bran'
noo week is upon us, ah guess ah better git back t'doin' real wawk... eifer
thet o' ah can jest procrastinate some mo'e. But inough about me, it's Monday,
which means it's time fo' th' weekend J-Cap...
-J, who sco'ed a 30 on his own quiz
Billy Joeiard player
scratches on last shot, game seemin'ly nevah inds
Arkade'phia- In a tragedy not
uncommon t'Oaks Hall, a local billiard player knocked both th' final ball an'
th' cue ball into diffrunt pockets on th' game winnin' shot thus prolongin' th'
Cutthroat game fo' menny hours.
Th'
game of Cutthroat, th' objeckive of which is t'sink t'other players designated
balls wifout scratchin', started aroun' 7:00 PM on Saturday March 9th an' did
not ind until some time af'er th' 9 o'clock hour. Af'er th' player knocked th'
last remainin' opponent's ball in th' pocket he proceeded t'cheer an' boast
about his vicko'y. His cheers soon became woes as he watched th' cue ball
corntinue t'bounce off th' bunkers an' finally roll into th' hole direckly
opposite of th' one he aimed fo'. Th' audiences' reackshun was almost
instantaneous at this hyar sight, they began too jump, cheer, an' laugh at th'
embarrassed player who resurrecked their chances of winnin' the
game.
Th' game then corntinued wif etch varmint placin' one of their balls back on th'
table an' aimin' fo' an opposin' players ball, ah reckon. Suddenly, tragedy
struck agin as t'other player seemin'ly won th' game until th' cue ball
corntinued t'roll an' fell in t'other pocket. Th' tauntin' an' cheerin' then
resoomd an' th' game corntinued as befo'e. In th' end, th' same Cutthroat game
nearly inded three separeete times but was prolonged by th' accidental o'
sometimes aimed sinkin' of th' cue ball which resulted in etch player receivin'
a ball on th' pool table. This hyar was not th' fust occurrence of a game
lastin' mo'e than 2 hours, an' it is highly probable thet it won't be th' last.
Fo'gotten prackical joke
backfires. Chili, mouth ruined, cuss it all t' tarnation.
Arkade'phia- A local resident suffered
immense pain when a fo'gotten prackical joke he set up backfired on him causin'
extreme discomfo't an' hoomiliashun. Th' joke cornsisted of a sin'le bowl
covahed in a skimpy layer of Da Bomb, th' se'f-titled second hottess saooce in
th' wo'ld, which was placed in resarve until an unsuspeckin' vickim axed t'
bo'row a bowl fum th' resident. Eff'n all had gone t'plan, th' vickim'd have
devoured th' contents only t'be stricken wif immense pain as th' barely edible
hot saooce attacked th' taste buds causin' th' sensashun of one's mouth ketchin'
on fire. Th' vickim's reackshuns'd then cuz much laughter among th' watchin'
prackical jokers an' his mouth'd return t' no'mal wifin a matter of minutes.
Unfo'tunately, th' joke did carry out as th' resident planned, cuss it all t'
tarnation. Th' resident covahed th' bowl in th' hot saooce sometime in December
an' prompply hid it in th' back of his cabinet fo' later use. Th' bowl was then
fo'gotten on over th' next three months an' did not succeed in brin'in' it's
fiery to'ment upon an unsuspeckin' vickim, dawgone it. Thet is, until
Saturday... Desperate fo' a clean bowl t'place his freshly cooked chili, th'
same resident rummaged aroun' in his dish cabinet only t'find dirty dishes whose
cleanin' was procrastinated, cuss it all t' tarnation. Suddenly, as luck/fate'd
haf it, th' unsuspeckin' resident came acrost th' tainted bowl clevahly hidden
behind a five month old cereal box. Th' resident then proceeded t'place th'
chili in th' bowl an' devour it at sech a rapid pace thet he finished off nearly
one-third of th' chili befo'e he reckanized his mistake. Th' realizashun of
whut was secretly hidden th' bowl dawned on him as soon as th' fust signs of
fire hit his taste buds. Th' Da Bomb instruckshuns carefully warn th' purchaser
not t'use mo'e than 1 drop of saooce in a 2 galloon mix of chili. Th' bowl was
repo'ted t'containin' th' equivalent of 10 drops per one cup of chili. In
no'mal circumstances, only one bite w'd be taken befo'e th' hot saooce took
effeck, thus reducin' th' effeck an' durashun of Da Bomb. Well bust mah britches
an' call me streaker. Unfo'tunately, th' effeck of th' hot saooce tripled due
t'th' rapid ingisshun of th' chili by th' resident an' th' large ratio of saooce
per chili. Luckily, no other do'm residents were present t'see th' unfo'tunate
vickim's painful an' hoomrus agony, an' th' irony of th' event quickly set in
resident's mind as he rolled on th' flore desperately searchin' fo' a bottle of
water. To his dismay, all fo'ms of liquid were already used an' discarded fum
his room an' he was lef' only t'suffer an' plan his revenge. Af'er a few hours
ev'rythin' returned t'no'mal an' th' resident quickly removed enny evidence of
his hoomiliashun fum th' room, dawgone it. This hyar was not th' fust time th'
hot saooce was accidentally ingisted, as th' same resident's roommate had
previously placed a rather large amount of Da Bomb on a to'tilla chip an' ett
it. Th' resultin' reackshun was deemed "hilarious" an' "absolutely th' funniess
thin' I've see in ages" by onlookers who watched th' roommate try t'quench th'
fire wif, among other thin's, sour milk. Shet mah mouth!
Debate on purchase of pizza
lasts past pizza delivery closin' time
Arkade'phia- In an ack thet varmintifies th' pitiful laziness
among college students, a debate involvin' th' purchase of a pizza lasted so
long thet af'er th' debate came t'a cornclushun th' pizza delivery service had
already closed, cuss it all t' tarnation. Th' initial corndishuns t'th' debate
were easily met by th' 4 college students aroun' 8:00 PM on Saturday. Etch one
agreed they desuhed a large sausage-an'-pepperoni-stuffed-crest pizza fum Pizza
Hut. Once th' pizza corndishuns were established a noo debate on who'd call
Pizza Hut soon manifested, cuss it all t' tarnation. Etch of th' four students
claimed t'other sh'd call th' establishment t'place th' o'der, an ack which'd
take a maximum of two minutes, an' th' debate corntinued fo' most of th' night.
Origeenally started while playin' pool, th' debate moved fum th' lobby into one
of th' student's do'm rooms. Nonchalant statements sech as "So Dennis when, is
yo' a-gonna call fo' th' pizza?" an' "Speakin' of boxes,
ah
c'd pow'ful hoof it fo' some pizza in a box" were frequently sprinkled in other
convahsashuns th' four students had throughout th' night. Finally one varmint
gave in an' was about t'call when it was discovahed no one knowed Pizza Hut's
phone number. A noo debate on who'd leave his chair t'find a phone book in th'
do'm quickly appeared, cuss it all t' tarnation. Af'er a stalemate in thet
debate one of th' residents noticed a shred of a Pizza Hut box in a trash kin
acrost th' room an' deducked it'd haf th' number printed somewhar on it.
Not
surprisin'ly, a debate on who'd walk on over t'git th' shred of box soon
occurred an' was finally inded when a passerby heard th' argoomnt an' walked in,
grabbed th' pizza box shred, an' traveled th' 7 feet fum th' trashcan t'th'
students t'han' them th' box. To their dismay th' box had no phone number on it
an' th' group of residents were back t'square one. Af'er mo'e debate, someone
pointed out thet th' computer sittin' in front of them might have a website wif
th' phone number on it. When th' idea of computer-involvement arose, th'
students were quickly motivated t'find a Pizza Hut website. Wifin one minute a
phone number an' map fo' th' local Pizza Hut four blocks down th' road were
prodooced, cuss it all t' tarnation. When someone finally called Pizza Hut at
9:45 th' employee replied thet pizza delivery was already closed an' someone'd
hafta travel t'th' sto'e t'pick up th' pizza. Agin, a noo debate reared it's
homely haid... In th' end etch student received their 2 slices of
sausage-an'-pepperoni-stuffed-crest pizza an' ev'rythin' returned t' no'mal, ah
reckon. Thet is, until th' cho'e of throwin' th' pizza box away became an
issue...
IN BRIEF
Pool player suspecks other
player is cheatin' on bust
A pool player came t'th' conclushun
thet th' openin' bust was not set up co'reckly when he sar the
ball placement on
th' table. Luckily, th' cheatin' player missed all th' balls on th' openin'
shot an' th' cheated player sunk three balls when his turn came about.
Pitchers taken in dream did
not turn out fine in real life
A photography student was surprised
when th' pitchers he imagined hisse'f takin' in a dream did not turn out fine in
real life. He was unable t'find a fine dream -> reality film transfer an' thus
th' stunnin' pitchers of th' sun turnin' blue an' splodin' ovah th' Arkansas sky
c'd not be shown t'th' ress of th' real wo'ld, cuss it all t' tarnation.
Wawkin' on multiple projecks
all weekend cuzs student t'miss classes they is due in
When a local student devoted his intire weekend t'completin'
multiple projecks he exhaested hisse'f to sech a degree thet he accidentally on
overslepp all of his classes on Monday which th' projecks were due in, as enny
fool kin plainly see. It is still unknown eff'n th' projecks were still be
accepped at a later date, an' th' student kin be see slammin' his haid aginst a
wall in th' Oaks do'm, dawgone it.
March 9, 2002- "ah hope ah die in mah sleep like mah gran'Pappy, an' not
while ah's awake like them passengers who were ridin' wif mah gran'Pappy"
-Dennis
Wal its time fo' a two in one post cornsiderin' ah missed mah update yestiddy.
These past two days haf been fairly decent. On Friday ah went home fo' some
free grub (sure beats Caddo) an'
inded up stayin' thar longer than ah specked, but ah did git t'see a movie outta
th' deal (Time Machine) which is allus a plus. ah doesn't unnerstan' how a city
wif two colleges an' quite a few highskooers still refuses t'git a movie
theater. ah's tired of havin' t'drive 45 minutes t'see a decent movie in a
theater... oh fine, thass a sto'y fo' t'other day. Not much else happened at mah
house - ah played th' piano, threw mah th' Frisbee at mah houn'dog fo' a spell,
an' basically lounged about until ah was able t'git back t'mah do'm, dawgone
it. As ah axed last week, whuffo' does varmints hoof it home fo' an intire
weekend? ah cain't see how it kin be produckive. It's nice t'see th' fambly
an' mebbe git a free meal o' two, but eff'n yer like me (god fo'bid) yo' won't
haf ennythin' t'do at home. All mah leisure items is in mah do'm room, so when
ah go home ah have nothin' t'do 'cept watch TV an' play th' piano, both of which
isn't inough t'keep me interested/entertained fo' an intire weekend, cuss it all
t' tarnation. Not only thet but all mah friends fum High Skoo is off at non-sueytcase
colleges an' doesn't come home on over th' weekend, cuss it all t' tarnation.
Wifout much incentive t'go home, ah usually stay in mah do'm an' intertain
mahse'f through various ackivities, menny of which git put up in hoomah columns
on this hyar site. Now eff'n only mo'e varmints stayed an' did th' same mebbe
mah do'm'd look less like a ghost town come Friday aroun' 5 o'clock. Shet mah
mouth!
In mah last post ah stated thet ah busted mah knuckle, but now af'er
carefully examinin' ah have no clue whut ah did t'it. It's probably mo'e of a
chip in th' bone than ennythin'. Th' sfinein' has diminished an' now mah han'
no longer looks like Quasimodo wif his defo'med back. Shet mah mouth! Instead
mah knuckle is a dark red-purple colo' which resembles a bruise. Then agin, it
c'd also be thet colo' on account o' mah do'm is absolutely freezin'. Hey
Maintenance, jest on account o' it warms up fo' two days does not mean yo' kin
turn our heaters off an' turn on th' air corndishunin'! Fry mah hide! Mah
knuckle don't hurt mighty offen, an' it has yet t'inhibit me fum doin' mah usual
ackivities. ah reckon th' wo'se is on over on mah knuckle sto'y so less jest
close th' case.
As fo' today, ah returned t'mah do'm room aroun' noon an' proceeded t'wawk
on one of th' menny projecks ah have due on Monday. Af'er wawkin' on mah
projeck fo' some time ah grew bo'ed an' went t' MG's room t'talk fo' a few
hours. ah ain't evah had th' chance t' talk wif her alone an' ah larned menny
thin's fum our cornvahsashun. Yet, even though ah larned a lot ah's still jest
as cornfused as evah about her. I've said it once befo'e but ah reckon it needs
t'be reiterated: Some gals kin be so confoozin', its like they purposefully is
amtrimenjusuous wif their statements jest to mess wif mah mind, cuss it all t'
tarnation. ah can see tryin' t'decipher MG's thunks an' motives bea-comin' a
daily routine, so check back later fo' mo'e info on this hyar continuin' soap
opera.
Af'er mah cornvahsashun wif MG ah prackiced th' piano, which interestin'ly
inough is sumpin ah acshully does fo' fun, an' then ah ran into two of
mah friends an' ett at Caddo wif them, dawgone it. Once agin, ah was drawn into
t'other interestin' cornvahsashun which ah probably won't discuss hyar but ah
will say it was a mighty eye openin' discusshun. In fack, eff'n ah had follered
through wif th' topic, ah probably'dn't be hyar typin' this hyar tonight.
Instead ah w'd be hangin' wif them friends while bein' put in situashuns beyond
mah corntrol which all haf unknown cornsequences (which purdy much dexcribes mah
intire college life). ah's surprised on how much a varmint kin change on over a
period of a year, as th' gal ah talked t'at dinner was someone who did not seem
th' type thet'd partake in said acks. I've see too menny varmints lose their
scholarships due t'stoopid reasons, sech as playin' games too much, o' sleepin'
in instead of attendin' class, an' ah doesn't be hankerin' t'see ennyone else
leave due t'th' same o' other reasons. Which is whuffo' its so surprisin' t'me
thet varmints who were straight an' knowed whut they were doin' last year c'd
mess up their college career this hyar year wif sech pitiful excuses. Of course
it's not mah job t'tell them thet, ev'ryone needs t' reckanize these thin's fo'
themselves, an' most varmints reckon whut they is doin' is fo' th' best.
Luckily fo' me, most of th' varmints in mah do'm is smart to reckanize they need
a fine wawk ethic t'survive in th' real wo'ld an' ah doesn't have t'be wo'ried
about them not showin' up next year. Funny, hyar ah's talkin' about needin' a
fine wawk ethic t'survive an' yet jest today ah stopped wawkin' on a projeck
jest t'convahse wif a gal fo' a few hours...
An' wif thet, ah's outta room, dawgone it. Don't wo'ry though ah plan on a-comin'
back Monday wif mah usual J-cap thet will corntain all th' hoomah yo' need to
survive! Until then, he'p me wif mah wawk...
March 7, 2002- "No one cares
how much yo' know, until they knows how much yo' care"
ah's pow'ful undecided about how t'view today. On overall, ah accomplished
li'l of whut was required outta me, but on t'other han' ah had some fairly fine
reasons. Th' way it's lookin' now, ah's a-gonna be busy all this weekend wawkin'
on projecks due this hyar past week, so doesn't speck much outta me come
Monday. Plus, ah reckon ah busted mah knuckle 3 days ago an' didn't reckanize
it until today. ah slammed mah knuckle into sumpin earlier this hyar week (cain't
quite remember whut it was ah hit) an' then today thet same knuckle was 3 times
larger than it sh'd be. Is it postible t'bust a bone an' not reckanize it? Oh
fine, fum whut ah hear thar's not much ah can does about it 'cept let it heal
an' jest proceed wif life like ah w'd. Luckily its mah right-han' rin'-finger
knuckle, probably th' one finger ah use th' least (ah's lef' han'ed) so it
sh'dn't cuz too much of a problem, heck ah's typin' this hyar like ah no'mally'd.
Not only thet, but I've used mah han' in some extreme ackivities (re: Spider-Man
pics in yessuhterdays post) on account o' ah bested it an' it didn't bother me
then, as enny fool kin plainly see. Also, ah reckon mah friend Hepzibahen did
th' same thin' a few years back an' his han' turned out okay... then agin, this
hyar is th' same friend who claimed he didn't need stitches af'er a shovel
"accidentally" lop a 1 inch gash in his haid; an' th' same Hepzibahen who
recently went t'th' horspital on account o' he let two of his back teeth turn
black wif rot on account o' he was t' stubborn an' raised t'do ennythin' about
them, dawgone it... Now thet ah reckon about it, mebbe ah sh'd lay off th'
usual extreme ackivities until th' sfinein' goes down, as enny fool kin plainly
see.
Whut in tarnation else... oh yea, ah started receivin' a li'l flak today fum
varmints who didn't like their pitchers in yessuhterday's post. Most were fine
spo'ts an' injoyed th' hoomah, while one in particular warn't happy at all (she
also caries a grudge aginst me due t'some "incident"). She got rather mad as a
weasel in a blender at me an' yet still seemed t'be her usual happy se'f while
doin' it. It's varmints like her who cornfuse me, ah cain't tell eff'n they're
jest playin' wif me o' is pow'ful mad as a weasel in a blender at me. ah
remember last semester ah commented on her leotard an' she pow'ful laid a guilt
trip on me on account o' of it. ah ended up givin' in an' apologizin' all
weekend fo' it until she finally told me she was jest jokin' aroun'. Some gals
is jest too cornfusin'. In th' end ah still haf th' last laugh, though, but
thass a massive sto'y fo' t'other article...
Finally, ah muss share mah corndolences wif an old do'm friend of mine who
lost someone mighty close t'her this hyar mo'nin': We (th' do'm an' yer friends)
is all prayin' fo' yo', Leah, an' is har fo' yo' as allus. Eff'n yo' evah need
ennythin' yo' knows whar t'go...
-J wishes he knowed whut t'do
March 6, 2002- "Th' two most common thin's in th'
unyverse is hydrojun an' stoopidity"
Today was awkward, cuss it all t' tarnation. ah went through most of th'
day reckonin' it was Thursday an' tryin' t'convince mahse'f thet th' weekend was
one day away. Af'er a day like Tuesday ah reckon mah mind was jest wantin' t'
ress an' th' closer ah thunk it was t'th' weekend th' better ah w'd feel, ah
reckon. Most of th' day went by wifout a hitch. ah turned in mah poster, showed
up t'ev'ry class, survived
Caddo, wawked on
mah screen-print, an' in th' end ah jest hung aroun' th' do'm talkin' t'friends....
oh yeah, ah had a camera too. It's amazin' whut valuable lessons yo' larn when
yo' take a camera into a do'm:
Nevah surprise a varmint playin' Evahquest
1
2
Don't insult a sof'ball player on account o' she probably c'd
beatcha up
Some varmints jest kin't be bothard while
prackicin'
Ackin' like
Spider-man is fun
Scarin' varmints while
ackin' like
Spider-man is better
Varmints give yo' funny
looks when they reckanize it was them yo' were talkin' about in a recent
J-cap article
Yo' kin still see yer galfriend even eff'n she lives
300 miles away
Eff'n two gals give yo' a
weird look when yo' walk into their room, they were probably talkin' about
yo'
Finally, varmints mad as a weasel in a blender atcha fo' lockin' them in th'
bathroom will allus smile
befo'e they attack
An' thet, mah friends, was mah Wednesday. Look fo'ward t' mo'e
"pitcher sto'ies" in th' future, as ah speck a lot of fine use t'come out of
thet digital camera...
So until t'morry, nevah trest a guy wif a camera an' Photoshop
-J
March 5, 2002- "Eff'n at
fust yo' doesn't succeed, redefine success."
Yeah ah knows ah's late wif mah post, but af'er a day like today ah's lucky ah
have th' stren'th t'even post sumpin. ah finally had a taste of th' graphic
design indestry today when ah was given a job t'accomplish by a sartin daidline.
ah only specked t'spend a hour tops wawkin' on th' tax given t'me; instead ah
spent 8 hours preparin' a poster fo' th' printer so it kin be distributed acrost
campus. It's amazin' how some jobs seem so small an' easy when yo' reckon about
them, but when yo' acshully start t'wawk on them they will take up most of yer
day an' yo' still won't finish them, dawgone it. Today ah woke up at 6:45 an'
did not git back t'mah room until 10:30 PM due th' whole poster job. Well bust
mah britches an' call me streaker. ah had no idea about all th' intricacies
thet hoof it into settin' up a seemin'ly simple poster fo' publicashun. In th'
long run, this job has given me some indestry experience so ah guess it was
wo'th it...
In other noos, did ennyone read th' noo Oracle (our skoo noospaper)? Seems
like one of our own students has felt th' need advahtise hisse'f in th' ad
seckshun. Eff'n taken seriously th' ad jest seems stoopid, but eff'n yo'
reckanize it was put in thar as a joke it kin be quite funny. Fo' them of yo'
curious, th' ad reads:
"Th' real student of th' week is Mitch Mangrum, dawgone it. Mitch is a
member of th' Hono's College an' has a 4.0 GPA. He is also a Nobel Prize
winner, fo' his groun'bustin' kincer research, an' was nominated fo' a Pulitzer
fo' his writin's based on cultural divahsity. Mitch is current direckin' a
feature-film an' has an estimated net wo'th o35(sic) Million, as enny fool kin
plainly see."
ah acshully laughed when readin' this, on account o' only Mitch'd be th' type
t'write sumpin of th' so't. ah guess he chose t'place th' ad on account o' he
has yet t'win th' Student of th' week this hyar year (hate t'tell yo' this
Mitch, but yo' kin't win eff'n yer th' only one who nominated yo'seff).
Congrats t'Mitch fo' acshully brin'in' laughter back t'th' noospaper, an' fo'
he'pin' me waste space on this hyar page by commentin' on yer ad, cuss it all t'
tarnation. Now leave me alone.... ;)
Of course thar kin't be a week thet goes by wifout me complainin' about
sumpin, an' today ah have foun' thet complaint: Th' only source real source of
"fine" grub on campus is at th' Reddie Cafe. In o'der t'buy thet "delicious"
grub yo' eifer need t'pay via cash, a rare objeck among college students, o'
witcher ID card which draws th' money fum yer declinin' balance. ah try t'eat
at th' Reddie Cafe 2-3 times a week but ah was hinnered fum doin' so last week
by an unfo'esee circumstance. Fo' some reason mah card does not scan at th'
Reddie Cafe ennymo'e. It's not thet ah doesn't haf an account, th' machines
jest kin't read mah card ennymo'e. So how does ah have t'fix this? By gittin'
a bran' noo card, cuss it all t' tarnation... Okay, so thet don't soun' so
bad, but ah (o' mah stubborn an' raisedness) haf a problem wif it. Fust of all,
ah knows mah card wawks- ah use it ev'ryday at th' Caddo, th' Art Henriettax
buildin', th' Mac lab, an' th' Garrison labs. So eff'n th' card don't wawk at
th' Reddie Cafe, is it mah fault? Do ah have a faulty card? ah reckon not (thus
ah do not exist acco'din' t'Dexcartes' "Cogito ergo sum"). I've had mah card on
account o' th' fall semester of '98, an' ah was acshully hopin' it c'd last me
until ah graduate sometime in th' next 7+ years. Eff'n ah git a noo card, mah
old card will cease t'funckshun an' will be destroyed (o' so I've been told, ah
probably sh'd look into this hyar one) which is sumpin ah's too stubborn an'
raised t'accepp. Also, ah's eifer wawkin' o' in class fum 8-5 ev'ryday, ah
pow'ful doesn't haf th' time no' th' funds t'stop by Womack t'git th' noo card
(agin, ah was told it costs money t'git a noo card, a fack ah need t'vahify fust).
Mainly, mah complaint is whuffo' sh'd ah go outta mah way t'git a noo card when
it is not required ennywhar else. Reddie Cafe used t'be able t'type in our SS#
when a card didn't wawk, but fo' some reason they is no longer "allered" t'do
so. ah can see them refusin' t'type in mah SS# when ah fo'git mah card, but if
ah give them mah ID card which has mah ID number on it whut difference does it
make whether they slide it o' type it? ah knows ah doesn't haf much t'back mah
complaint on (basically on account o' it is based on stubborn an' raisedness/laziness/nostalgia)
but ah still doesn't unnerstan' whut their reasonin' in implementin' this hyar
noo "No typin' SS#" rule. Eff'n ah c'd git a noo card an' still be allered t'
use/keep mah old card then ah pow'ful'dn't complain, as enny fool kin plainly
see. But eff'n ah have t' lose th' last remainin' artifack of mah
fust-week-in-college-4-years-ago on account o' of some stoopid noo Reddie Cafe
rule, then ah reckon ah have th' right t'stan' up an' does sumpin about it.
Which ah jest did, cuss it all t' tarnation...
BTW, is yo' curious of whuffo' ah pow'ful doesn't like the Caddo Cafeteria?
March 4, 2002- "Eff'n sumpin
cain't hoof it wrong at all, it will hoof it wrong in a mighty speckacular way"
T'other weekend come an' gone, t'other week lays out befo'e me, let th'
countdown until Sprin' Bust begin, as enny fool kin plainly see. As ah
menshuned in mah last post, menny events occurred on over this hyar past
weekend, cuss it all t' tarnation. While nothin' was absolutely speckacular, on
overall th' weekend was a success: much happened, an' li'l got done. Hmmmm,
fine by thet definishun th' weekend was a total failure on account o' ah failed
t'accomplish ennythin' produckive, but we'll jest igno'e thet technicality.
So whut did yo' come hyar t'read? Ju be hankerin' a detailed sto'y on mah
non-produckive weekend, o' did yer hankerin' t'read about th' hoomrus po'shuns?
Wal, eff'n it's hoomah yer hankerin' then less see whut th' J-cap of th' weekend
has t' say...
Student Trapped! Fry mah hide!
Arkade'phia - An ill-fated student was
accidentally locked in her own bathroom fo' a small durashun in th' early mo'nin'
hours of Saturday, March 2. Th' student, a resident of Oaks Hono's Hall, became
stuck in th' bathroom she shared wif her sueytemates due t' a technicality in
th' do'm's design, as enny fool kin plainly see. Etch do'm room shares a
bathroom wif th' room direckly next t'it, an' in o'der t'keep th' privacy of
etch do'm room th' bathroom dore locks fum th' outside. Th' origeenal reasonin'
behind this hyar was t' keep th' sueytemates fum walkin' through th' bathroom
an' stealin' stuff fum th' next room, but whut th' designers did o' did not
reckanize was thet someone c'd effeckively be trapped wifin th' bathroom by
havin' etch dore locked fum it's respeckive do'm room, dawgone it. Such a
tragedy befell th' resident, who shall be referred t'as MG, as she returned fum
her late night job aroun' th' 1:00 hour. Upon returnin' t'her room, she intered
her bathroom t' prepare herse'f fo' bed, cuss it all t' tarnation. Unbeknownst
t'MG, etch bathroom dore mahsteriously an' silently shet an' locked itse'f.
How this hyar happened still remains a mahstery as both MG's sueytemates an'
roommate had gone t'their respeckive homes fo' th' weekend, cuss it all t'
tarnation. When MG tried t'exit th' bathroom she quickly reckanized her
predicament an' began t'knock on her dore t'be freed, cuss it all t' tarnation.
As luck'd haf it, MG'd only be trapped in th' bathroom fo' about five minutes
befo'e she was rexcued by two juntlemen who had jest returned fum a late night
social gatherin'. Af'er hearin' her plight through th' remarkably skimpy do'm
walls, both residents rushed t'her dore t'free her. She quickly returned th'
favo' by blamin' them fo' her intrapment. "Sh'd have figgerd [MG]'d blame us.
She allus blames them aroun' her when sumpin goes wrong, which seems t'happen
quite frequently wif her" stated one of th' rexcuers. T'other rexcuer was
unavailable fo' comment as he was removin' fingerprints fum two unrelated
bathroom dores.
Do'm friends see noo sides of
etch other at gatherin'
Arkade'phia - A group of do'm friends traveled togither t'a small gatherin' at a
house in southern Arkade'phia whar they witnessed sides of etch other previously
unknown, as enny fool kin plainly see. Th' gatherin', one of menny thet
occurred thet night, was accompanied by loud moosic which inspired menny of th'
female o' th' opposite sex friends in th' group t'dance. Th' males sat down an'
cornvahsed wif other attendees until they noticed th' peekoolyar dancin' style
of their female o' th' opposite sex friends. "Wow, ah nevah knowed Mary Jane*
c'd dance like thet" claimed one awe-stricken do'm resident, "She muss haf been
in gymnastics as a kid". Other attendees tried t'comment but were unable t'due
t'their jaws bein' stuck on th' flore. Th' females o' th' opposite sex' moves,
while mostly benign in nature, cornsisted of fluid moshuns thet kin be foun' in
gymnastic meets an' Daisy Lopez videos. Af'er th' moosic stopped etch female o'
th' opposite sex returned t'her previous tax as her male friends still ponnered
whar they larned so menny right fine moves.
*Names haf been changed t' proteck th' innercent which, regardless of whut this hyar article may imply, is still quite innercent.
IN BRIEF
Skunk Attack! Fry mah hide!
A local do'm was attacked late Sunday night by a skunk an' it's array of putrid
smells. Them residents still residin' wifin th' buildin' c'd does nothin' but
gag an' pray fo' a quick intervenshun of a car tire which had successfully
thwarted an attack by a previous skunk. Shet mah mouth!
Eight-ball sunk prematurely
A game of pool inded quite prematurely
when durin' th' second shot th' Eight-ball accidentally fell into th' pocket.
To make matters wo'se, th' Eight-ball was th' fust ball t'be knocked into th'
hole an' was also th' farthess fum a hole. Th' shooter was tho'oughly
hoomiliated but was relieved when noomrous other mo'onic events occurred t'other
players.
Jool facades busted! Fry mah
hide!
Two students who had etch created a
false image of hisse'f/herse'f t'impress t'other were prompply embarrassed when
etch discovahed t'other at a funckshun which neifer were thunk t' attend, cuss
it all t' tarnation. Af'er attemppin' t'conjure up a lame excuse t'explain
his/her presence, etch indivijool finally gave in an' admitted their facades
simultaneously.
Spellin' an' grammar check not accestomed t'Web addick's
slang, acco'din' t' th' code o' th' heells!
A local MMORPG player was inable t'write a dec3nt p4PeR cuz his w0Rd
PrOce5s0r 'd'nt acc5pp hiz wr1tNg stylz. "IMO this hyar Progr4m is sCr5Wed up"
claimed th' typist "ah mean, WTF? Whuffo' dozn't it like mah 'breviashunz?".
Whuffo' ind33d, w00t w00t...
February 29 March 1, 2002- "Nevah
argue wif an idiot; they'll drag yo' down to their level an' beatcha wif
experience"
Finally, th' weekend has arrived! Fry mah hide! ah doesn't care how bad a
Friday is, nothin' kin ruin mah injoyment of a weekend, cuss it all t' tarnation...
thet is unless of course they steal it fum me by fo'cin' me t'partake in some
event which I'd rather not be apart. Eff'n today were a Tuesday, ah w'd haf
hated it: it was cold, wet an' rather bo'in'. Instead on account o' it's a
Friday, ah reckon it was an awesome day! Fry mah hide!
ah now haf a noo idea fo' t'make cornvahsashuns easier. Fo' them of yo'
follerin', a spell back a called fo' a "sarcasm font" yo' kin use while typin'
so indicut yo' were bein' sarcastic. ah cain't count th' instances whar someone
took mah sarcasm in E-mail fo' truth an' were pow'ful offended by it. Mah sense
of hoomah mainly revolves aroun' sarcasm an' wifout a way t'type it effeckively
ah can pow'ful git mahse'f in trouble. Thet's whuffo' ah say make a "sarcasm"
font type like italics o' bold so yo' jest let varmints knows not t'take yo'
seriously. ah reckon puttin' th' label <sarcasm alert> in front of enny
potential sarcasm purdy much ruins th' idea. Ennyways back to th' point at han',
mah noo idea is walk-by key wo'ds:
Wif th' hestle an' bestle of today's wo'ld we doesn't haf time t'have even a
small cornvahsashun as yo' pass someone on th' sidewalk. Shet mah mouth! ah
pass varmints ev'ryday on th' way t'class an' all ah evah haf time t'say is
"hey" o' some quesshuns like "how is yo'". Menny times ah have already passed
th' varmint befo'e they kin fully answer so all we git is some ha'f-way
cornvahsashun. Of course most varmints'd stop an' acshully talk t'th' varmints
they pass eff'n they wanted a full cornvahsashun, but who has time fo' thet
ennymo'e? ah pass by at least 5 varmints ah knows ev'ry time ah walk acrost
campus t'wawk/class an' ah doesn't haf time t'ketch up wif ev'ryone ah see. Thus
ah say we need sho't "key-wo'ds" thet stan' fo' full sentences. Kind of like
they haf in chat rooms whar IMO means "in mah opinion" o' ROFL mean "roll on
flore laughin'", whuffo' doesn't we haf sho't han' cornvahsashun tools fo'
passin' by? Like ah c'd walk by someone an' say "Hoi-hoi" which'd mean "Hey,
how is yo' doin', has yo' day been fine?" an' they kin reply "Bene" which'd mean
"Hey yo'seff, purdy fine, talk t'yo' later" o' sumpin of th' so't. Of course
ah's pullin' this hyar wo'ds outta skimpy air, but yo' git th' drif'. In th'
time it takes yo' say howdy-doo to someone yo' already hafta say goo'bye t'them,
but eff'n yo' refuse t'do eifer in th' South then yer cornsidered un friendly o'
inconsiderate o' *gasp* a stuck up prick. Shet mah mouth! So whuffo' not
integrate howdy an' goo'bye into a sin'le wo'd/phrase so yern't lef' wif a
hangin' convahsashun? Also we kin take a note fum th' Chinese an' change th'
meanin' o' tone of a wo'd by diffrunt inflickshuns of th' voice. Eff'n yo' say
it higher than no'mal than it means yer happy, while lower means sad, cuss it
all t' tarnation. Most varmints does this as it is, so it'd come natcherly ah
guess. Of course this hyar is jest an idea, sumpin ah reckon sh'd happen, not
necessarily sumpin thet will happen, as enny fool kin plainly see. But then
agin, I've see teenagers turn in essays corntainin' th' same chat lin'o ah
menshuned earlier. Mebbe in a few years as th' junerashuns thet were raised by "sho't-han'
chat cornvahsashuns" mature an' take on over our own lin'o will change wif them,
dawgone it. Until then, ah's jest a-gonna hafta live wif mah ha'f-way
cornvahsashuns...
On t'th' next topic... fine... its th' weekend, an' events happen, as enny
fool kin plainly see. Not sho'nuff eff'n they need t'be posted now but sometime
soon I'll put them up. Thet is, only eff'n ah see no harm in doin' so. Until
then, I'll leave yo' wif this hyar final thunk: ah jest reckon ah sent th' wrong
varmints t'th' wrong party. A group of varmints came t'me axin' how t'git
t'someone's house whar a party was gwine on, an' ah told them how t'git thar.
Now thet ah reckon about it, ah sent them t'th' wrong house an' th' wrong party.
ah knowed of a few events gwine on tonight so ah guess ah jest got them
cornfused, cuss it all t' tarnation. Whut in tarnation's even wo'se is th'
house ah sent them t'contains th' type of varmints who is mighty opposite of
them an' who might even oppose them, dawgone it. Talk about an awkward moment,
ah's glad ah's not apart of it ;) Hopefully both groups of varmints will be too
wasted t'reckanize who's thar... Oh fine, at least ah didn't send them
t'someone's gran'Mammy's house at 1 AM, cuz thet is allus an awkward moment...
not thet ah w'd know... (whar's thet sarcasm font?! Fry mah hide!?! Fry mah
hide!?)
J misses Dennis Miller
February 28, 2002- "In
most instances, all an argoomnt proves is thet two varmints is present"
Wal, th' debate is still on whether o' not ah sh'd post them "interestin'
yet memo'able" moments on this hyar site an' risk embarrassin' others. So while
ah ponner on thet yo' kin injoy this hyar *brief *synopsis of today's events:
Woke up, missed bustfast, froze booty off, drew pitcher at wawk, wawked on
same pitcher in class/missed class leckure, had bizarre encounter at lunch, ate,
wished ah hadn't ett up, procrastinated, larned C++, reckanized ah sh'd haf done
homewawk instead of procrastinatin', went back t' wawk, stayed late wawkin' on
same pitcher, finished pitcher, ate,
remembered lunch fiasco, deja vu wif grub, played 2 hour pool game, finally won
game, stalked secret crush, freaked out Dennis by havin' his Maw call him
af'er readin' th' Feb 18 intry an' quotin' to him his laughable predicament,
updated this hyar page, uploaded Ultimate
quesshunnaire, heard someone fum acrost th' do'm squawk like a pperodackyl
while ah updated this hyar page, deducked a card game was bein' played, thunk of
better/funnier thin's t'say on this hyar page af'er updatin' it, too lazy as a
houn'dog t'update it agin, gwine/went t'bed, cuss it all t' tarnation.
In other surprisin' noos, t'morry begins th' weekend, a weekend in which
much-is-planned yet li'l-will-happen, as enny fool kin plainly see. Thet's th'
problem wif a-gonna a sueytcase college , whenevah a weekend comes aroun' all
th' varmints ah acshully be hankerin' t'spend time wif depart towards them weird
places called "home" t'see them inigmatic groups labeled as "families". While
ah no doubt does th' same (mainly due t'lack of other thin's t'do o' me needin'
mo'e "free" supplies), ah doesn't see whut is so desuhable about doin' sech a
thin'. Sho'nuff it's nice t'see th' fambly an' ketch up/fight, but does yo' need
t' do it ev'ry weekend? Speck a rant on this hyar topic sometime on over th'
weekend when/if ah have th' luxury of free time...
Until next time, jest hoof it to class.
-J wishes he c'd haf HBO so he c'd larn fum Dennis Miller's rants
February 27, 2002- "Ha'fway thar"
As of right now th' week is officially ha'fway on over, an' mah body is
already preparin' fo' th' switch into weekend mode. But befo'e ah can fully
cornvaht ah muss complete a few projecks mah friendly professo's haf required of
me. Oh yessuh, nothin' makes a week slow down mo'e than havin' t' ovahload
yo'seff wif wawk th' few days befo'e yer set free. But rather than bo'e yo' wif
th' incessant tripe thet is mah homewawk ah will hoomah yo' wif mah excapades of
last night.
Af'er toleratin' Caddo's dinner, ah proceeded t'dash towards th' do'm rather
than take mah usual leisurely walk. Shet mah mouth! This hyar change of pace
was of course cuzd by 15 degree weather thet was freezin' me inside out. But it
turns out mah haste was fo' naught, on account o' when ah retched th' dore t'th'
do'm mah key'd not open it. Nothin' is funnier than seein' someone locked
outside th' do'm in 15 degree weather while ev'ryone is inside all cozy an'
warm, dawgone it. Unless of course thet varmint is me. Luckily someone was able
t' let me in, an' it turns out it warn't mah key thet was th' problem but th'
acshul dore. Add this hyar to th' list of problems in th' Hono's do'm: th' side
dore won't open now unless brutally kicked, an' thet only wawks in one
direckshun. Four outta five times th' keys doesn't unlock th' dore an' th'
resident is lef' outside in th' bitter cold corntemplatin' eff'n it is wo'th it
t'walk all th' way down t'th' next dore. Mah quesshun is this hyar "Whuffo'
didn't it does this when it was at least tolerable outside?"
Af'er thawin' out in th' lobby ah played a quick game of pool an' then
changed fo' th' Arête parte', which was mo'e injoyable than ah thunk it'd be.
Unfo'tunately ah didn't receive enny awards at th' parte' (no' did ah speck to),
but ah was privileged t'a few jokes about Henry VIIah by our own Dr. Thompson,
as enny fool kin plainly see. Not only thet, but ah finally sar a gal who ah
had talked to quite a few times through Mascot but nevah knowed whut she looked
like. Too bad she had t'stay at th' parte' late an' ah had t'leave early due t'
"pool" arrangements. Oh fine, ah's sho'nuff ah will hear fum KM135754 sooner o'
later...
Th' next few hours were accompanied by th' blur of colo'ful solid an'
stripped sphars soarin' (sometimes literally) into geometrically placed black
gutters. Of course in th' end ah stood vicko' in th' majo'ity of th' matches,
mainly by mah cunnin' use of treaties which he'p me team up aginst all th' fine
players until only us crappy players remain on th' table (yes these is 3-5
player games). Then thar were th' few ERS games ah played af'erwards which
cornsisted mah slappin' mah han' too hard aginst th' linoleum flore (an' payin'
fo' it wif much pain later) an' lissenin' t'th' squawks of a feller player ev'ry
time she missed a slap. ah have deducked thet card games brin' out th' animals
in varmints, literally, as menny of th' residents in mah do'm make animal noises
while they play. Sometimes yo'll hear varmints squawk like pperodackyls while
other times its an annoyin' (an' laughably accurate) possum cluckin'. Ah, but
whut kin ah say, life'dn't be as fun wifout sech idiosyncrasies t'poke fun at
(oh dadburn, a preposishun at th' end of a sentence).
As fo' th' ress of th' night... fine ah's currently in debate wif mahse'f on
how t'write mah journal intries wif regards t'other varmints. In no'mal
circumstances in which no one'd read th' but me, ah w'dn't hesitate dexcribin'
ev'ry event in great detail regardless how "right" o' "wrong" it was. But on
account o' th' is now a public column ah doesn't knows how talk about sartin
varmints o' events. ah have no problem wif diggin' mahse'f into a hole wif mah
colo'ful commentary based on past events, but ah doesn't be hankerin' t' place
others in th' hole wif me. No' does ah's hankerin' t'embarrass varmints who
does not be hankerin' their idiosyncrasies publicly known, as enny fool kin
plainly see. So does ah avoid talkin' about them "interestin' events" jest
t'spare others th' embarrassment (o' trouble) thet'd be brought about by them?
Or does ah "tell all" an' hoof it wif th' punches (even th' physical ones)? Of
course ah w'd change th' names, but still varmints who knows me an' mah
friends'd probably figger out who ah's talkin' about which may cuz some
problems. It's eifer thet o' jest write daily about mah not-as-interestin'-excapades
an' mebbe ind up bo'in' th' reader even mo'e as I, bein' a creature of habit,
haf th' uncanny ability to does th' same ackivities multiple days in a row.
Wal, as ah contemplate mah opshuns ah will bid th' farefine. Eff'n ennyone
has an opinion please E-mail me an' ah
will take them into cornsiderashun. So until t'morry, try t'git some sleep.
-J., a lovah of irony, is still tryin' t'figger out whut an appositive is.
February 26, 2002- Gee, ah sure love Sprin'.
ah love how th' th' grass is a bright green an' how th' air is crisp an' right
fine. Days like thet almost fo'ce yo' t'go outside t'do wawk. Thet is exackly
how this weekend was an' ah enjoyed ev'ry minute of it. An' thet was exackly
how today was too, 'cept it was 15 degrees Fahrenheit (wind chill) an' windy
beyond belief. Af'er havin' sech a great weekend who'd haf specked sech a
frigid day?
Wal beyond th' pain it has been t'walk fum buildin' t' buildin', today has
gone on over fairly fine. Th' student art show opened up an' quite a few of mah
friends won prizes in it. ah have an Arête parte' happenin' tonight which
gives me a valid reason not t'show up fo' mah Contempo'ary Art Histo'y class.
Plus ah had a great "game night" last night whar ah purdy much won ev'ry
card/pool game ah played in a 3 hour period, cuss it all t' tarnation. Beyond
thet, ah have jest wawked on mah animashuns fo' this hyar site, an' lissened t'
mah noo piano mp3s. Oh yea, it's 5:00 now so ah won't be sayin' much else, at
least fo' now. Mebbe later I'll update wif a li'l a six packr column on account
o' some purdy interestin' events haf occurred, menny of which'd take too long fo'
me t'write about now...
February 25, 2002- "Does yer power wawk?"
Wow, whut a roller coaster of a week it has been, as enny fool kin plainly
see. Th' bess way t'dexcribe th' past couple of days'd be as a "teaser
weekend". ah was shown menny gif's on over th' weekend, only t'have them taken
away fum me an' placed beyond mah retch, thus ah call it teasin' me. Fust of
all, on Friday ah finally hooked mah computer up whar ah c'd update this hyar
page fum mah do'm room, dawgone it. Eff'n yo' read Friday's post yo' knows ah
had menny plans t'update this hyar page, an' wif th' ability t'update at mah
leisure ah went frenzy. ah was ecstatic, ah had majo' plans ah was a-gonna wawk
on, but alas ev'rythin' went sour at th' last minute:
Plan - wawk on mah animashuns on mah computer t'post
hyar on over th' weekend, cuss it all t' tarnation.
Problem - Mah 100 layer Photoshop files literally killed mah computer.
Af'er openin' th' file ah heard mah computer scream it's death throes an' then
shet down on me.
Plan - wawk on mah snow po'tfolio.
Problem - Fust of all, th' pitchers were in a fo'mat which mah
computer c'dn't read, cuss it all t' tarnation. Af'er downloadin' 4 diffrunt
programs ah finally foun' one which read th' pitcher fo'mat an' save it on mah
computer. Then ah impo'ted all of th' pitchers ah had taken an' started lookin'
through them until ah noticed ah didn't haf enny of mah snow pitchers on mah
do'm computer...
Plan - create mo'e art via Bryce 5
Problem - mah copy of Bryce 5 c'dn't be read by mah DVD/CD-RW/CD-ROM
hybrid, cuss it all t' tarnation.
Plan - dexcribe mah experiences in pareegraph fo'm
on this hyar page.
Problem - "This hyar file kinnot be saved, it is already in use". ah
guess ah fo'gotta close down mah other cornneckshun t'this page on mah wawk
computer which was locked away in Evans.
Plan - Download noo piano moosic which ah have been
waitin' patiently fo' on account o' Seppember.
Problem - Fust of all ah c'dn't find enny place thet had th' mp3s,
but af'er 2 hours of wawk ah finally foun' an FTP site which contained them,
dawgone it. Thin's were lookin' fine.... Oh no! Fry mah hide! Th' skoo's proxy
refuses t'let me cornneck t'THAT FTP! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah
hide!! Fry mah hide! ah can cornneck t'enny other one, but th' FTP ah was
wantin''d not accepp mah cornneckshun.
Plan - Git to parents house, cornneck t' fo'bidden
f'p, copy mp3s, send them t'do'm computer.
Problem - This hyar one acshully wawked, accepp fo' some reason c'dn't
cornneck t'mah computer fum mah house. How mighty odd, cuss it all t' tarnation...
Plan - Git back t'do'm, lissen t'noo mp3s,
wawk on webpage, watch TV/movies, play video games, calm se'f down, repeat all
day Saturday an' Sunday.
Problem - This hyar one'd haf wawked 'cept fo' th' fack thet our
do'm's power went out. Only a sin'le lamp wawked in mah room, nothin' else. ah
had no lights, no TV, no computer, not a sin'le intertainin' item, dawgone it.
Not only thet, but all mah do'm friend lef' due t'their power gwine out so ah
didn't even haf ennyone t'talk to. To add salt t'mah woun's, ah had jest placed
a gallon of milk in mah fridge an' lo'd only knows whut it has turned into af'er
bein' lef' in a warm fridge all weekend, cuss it all t' tarnation. This hyar
whole "no eleckricity" thin' purdy much screwed me on over fo' th' ress of th'
weekend, cuss it all t' tarnation.
Plan - End it all by jumpin' outta window.
Problem - Wif no lights in mah room, ah c'dn't even find th' window,
ah ended up jumpin' into a corncrete wall, ah reckon. Okay, so ah nevah planned
on jumpin' outta th' window, but af'er all thet went wrong this hyar weekend
whut else c'd ah have done?
An' thet was mah weekend, cuss it all t' tarnation. Wow, af'er a weekend like thet whut mo'e c'd happen t'me? Wal only time will tell, ah reckon...
February 22, 2002- "When it rains it pours" o'
"When it's sunny yo' git burned"
Acshully ah c'dn't find a positive quote thet has th' same meanin' as thet,
but po'trays mah day fine. Earlier today ah had a full list ah was ready t'type
into mah journal today, on account o' quite frankly a lot has happened in th'
past 24 hours. ah planned on puttin' two hours of wawk into this hyar entry,
instead ah only haf 15 minutes... It's not a bad thin' though, on account o'
whut hinnered mah fum writin' today was mah sense of produckiveness! ah
recently came acrost mah old animashun folder which ah passed on over when
puttin' mah artwawk pieces on this hyar site. Af'er
uploadin' them t'th'
artwawk page ah was motivated inough
t'start wawkin' on some mo'e. Fo' th' past two hours ah have been wawkin' frame
by frame on editin' a sartin
animashun (this is th' rough draf'). Add thet t'mah desuhe t'fix mah snow
pitchers, an' yo' will see thet today ah acshully haf mo'e projecks ah desuhe
t'wawk on than ah have time t'wawk wif them! Fry mah hide! Hopefully mah memo'y
will be wif mah all weekend so ah can dexcribe today's events on Monday's post (cain't
post on over th' weekend, ah have t'be at mah faculty computer t'edit this hyar
site). But befo'e ah go ah have t'give one last shoutta joy.. Yea! Fry mah
hide!! Fry mah hide! ah got paid today! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah
hide!! Fry mah hide! Woohoo! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!! Fry
mah hide! Until Monday, haf a safe weekend, cuss it all t' tarnation.
February 21, 2002- "Evah haf one of them days whar
yo' jest doesn't be hankerin' t'do ennythin'?"
Someone axed me thet quesshuns last night an' ah jest smiled mah answer back
t'them, dawgone it. Last night ah had plans t'finish a screen-printin', wawk on
a book fo' Digital page, an' he'p someone git their computer back t' wawkin'
o'der. Instead ah was involved in menny pool games, slaughtered th' competishun
in both a SSX Tricky tournament an' a Tekken Tag tournament (th' latter bein'
mah fust time t'play said game which further proves th' effeckiveness of button
mashin'), an' searched th' internet fo' mp3s which'd nevah be foun'. Oh yea, ah
also foun' out ah can does a stan'in' long jump of 87 inches an' kin effeckively
place mah intire back aginst th' do'm ceilin' jest by suspendin' mahse'f between
two walls an' crawlin' up. How thet evah came up, ah have no idea, it's jest an
example of th' crazy stuff thet happens in our do'm, dawgone it. ah planned on
doin' wawk yessuhterday, but agin them plans fell through due t' pointless
intertainment. Th' fine noos is th' majo' projeck ah failed t'do last night was
not axed t'be turned today. It seems mah absent-minded professo' mighty fo'got
thet he stated last class period t'turn them in today, an event which seems
t'happen quite frequently among th' art skoo marms. Oh fine, no hide off mah
back. Shet mah mouth! At least now ah have mo'e time t'procrastinate an' fail
t'wawk on it when planned, cuss it all t' tarnation.
On t'other han', today has been semi-produckive. ah started wawkin' on mah
snow po'tfolio fo' this hyar site. Basically it is a colleckshun of pitchers
taken durin' our "trimenjus" snow sto'm 2 weeks ago. Mah progress on it is
hinnered though, on account o' menny of mah shots required a flash which inded
up refleckin' off of th' indeterminable amount of snow flakes fallin' t'th'
groun'. Th' result is 20-30 right purdy snow pitchers covahed in an annoyin'
series of ran'omly placed white specks. Hopefully af'er a li'l wawk in Photoshop
them pitchers will be fixed an' posted on this hyar site. Until then ah will be
lookin' at th' pitchers pixel by pixel replacin' ev'ry white spot/pixel wif a
mo'e subtle colo', much like ah did wif mah
old fire pitcher.
Uh oh, looks like ah will hafta wawk on them snow pitchers t'morry, fo' mah
time today has inded an' ah have menny other projecks ah planned on
procrastinatin' tonight. Until, t'morry... reckon of a fine partin' line fo'
me.
February 20, 2002 (AKA 0220-2002 )- Once agin we is ha'f way
through th' week an' ah have nothin' t'show fo' it. ah did howevah haf an
interestin' bit of irony happen at wawk earlier though. Fo' starters, ah
"accidentally" failed t'show up t'mah sociology class due restraints put on t'
me by mah evil piller. Of course this hyar is a vickimless crime (unless of
course yo' call me a vickim), an' it's a crime thet th' consequences is fairly
easy t'avoid, cuss it all t' tarnation... thet is unless ah see mah skoo marm.
ah usually make it a habit not t'see mah skoo marms on th' days ah skip their
classes (of course ah rarely partake in eifer ackshun ennyways), but sometimes
it is unavoidable. Like today. ah show up t'wawk an' th' fust tax ah's given is
t'install FrontPage 2002 on a faculty's computer. Not exackly a hard job, 'cept
this hyar time it turned out t'be mah sociology professo'. To make thin's wo'se
(o' better ah guess) this hyar skoo marm acshully knows me an' reckanizes me, a
feat quite rare fo' a professo' who larnes a class of 150. Needless t'say th'
follerin' 5 minutes in his office is quite awkward on account o' ah knows he is
fine aware thet ah skipped his class. Luckily, this hyar skoo marm is acshully
quite nice about th' whole thin' an' gives me a review sheet of impo'tant stuff
ah missed an' nevah even axed about mah absence. This hyar whole event has
taught me three thin's: eff'n yer a-gonna skip class, skip wawk too; nevah
trest whut th' piller tells yo'; an' allus igno'e yer fust rule on account o'
th' piller is th' one who told yo' t'write it.
T'other funny note: fo' some odd reason th' do'm's hot water has been turned
off. This hyar was especially surprisin' t'me when ah (eventually) got up an'
jumped in th' bathroom fo' a nice, relaxin', hot shower. Needless t'say, th'
event thet occurred af'er ah turned on th' "hot water" is probably sumpin thet
yo''d see in a comedy/sitcom, dawgone it. Oh yea, cornsiderin' mah attire, make
thet an X rated comedy/sitcom, dawgone it.
Double Trouble: today is th' date of th' Final Fantasy Concert, th' fust
official corncert in on over 10 years. Th' last one, released on th' CD FF:
Symphonic Suite, corntained moosic fum FF1-3 while this hyar one sh'd brin' us
up t'date through FFX. Th' sad fack is ah's stuck in Arkansas while th' concert
in Tokyo (o' some unpronounceable city name)... sigh. T'other bonus is today is
th' release day fo' FFX: Piano Colleckshuns. Af'er lissenin' t'FFIX: PC about
300 billion times ah's ready t'move on an' see whut this noo one has in sto'e fo'
me. Not only thet, but it initiates mah search fo' th' elusive piano
colleckshuns sco'e book so ah try t'recreate th' moosic on mah own piano.
No'mally, ah w'd be rejoicin' fum th' two ventures in Final Fantasy symphonic
moosic thet were released today , in fack ah have been countin' down t'today on
account o' late January, but it warn't until this hyar mo'nin' thet ah
reckanized "Hey jest on account o' they came out today don't mean ah will git
t'lissen t'them, dawgone it." Nope, th' tragedy indures, as ah now knows ah
have no way of lissenin' t'these masterpieces until ah find a way t'pay fo'
them, o' some illegal way of acquirin' them, dawgone it... Cain't....decide......which...to....do...
February 19, 2002- Have ah menshuned ah detest, loathe, hate Tuesdays? Wal jest fo' this hyar semester thet is. Most varmints doesn't like Mondays on account o' it means they hafta hoof it back t'wawk, but thet don't bother me. So whut is it thet cuzs me t'detess Tuesdays? On account o' of wonnerful mah schedulin' ability, ah have t'wake up at 7 AM an' ah do not git t'come back t'mah room until 9 PM. ah have mah daily wawk/class 8-5 routine ah do, which is bea-comin' quite natural now, but jest when ah reckon mah day is done BAM! Fry mah hide! ah have t'other 6-9 class which c'd put an insomniac t'sleep. Th' class, corntempo'ary art histo'y, pow'ful ain't thet bad of a class, but af'er a whole day of larnin'/procrastinatin' ah's ready t' move on an' relax by th' time class rolls aroun'. Tonight in th' class, fo' th' fust 90 minutes ah was strugglin' t'prop mah haid up so ah c'd stay awake. Th' next ha'f ah was literally countin' down th' seconds until ah was free agin. To make matters wo'se, ah keep fo'gittin' t'acshully PAY ATTENTION in class an' still knows no mo'e about Contempo'ary Art Histo'y than ah did at th' beginnin' of th' semester. Beyond thet nothin' much of interess happened t'me today. Right now ah's so low on "thunk fuel" thet ah's about t'fall outta mah chair an' sleep on, as enny fool kin plainly see...mah... nice.....hard, cuss it all t' tarnation....tile......floommmmmmmmm
February 18, 2002- ah finally created a page thet ah can update daily wif mah nonsensical wishes an' whims. At least now ah will haf sumpin mo'e produckive t'do other than lookin' at th' same webpages on over an' on over waitin' desperately fo' a noo update. So whut shall ah discuss today, th' fust of hopefully menny intries? Sh'd ah recap an otherwise meanin'less day an' postibly bo'e enny potential readers (but accurately docoomnt a regular day in mah college life fo' histo'ical purposes), o' sh'd ah Hollywood-ize mah weekend an' intertain mah viewers wif elabo'ate (an' offen exaggerated) tales of mah adventures on over said weekend? Considerin' mah free time is suddenly dwindlin' as mah excape time of 5:00 draws mighty near, ah will jest recap mah weekend in Noos-sto'y style fashion, as enny fool kin plainly see. Jest reckon of it as "th' 11 minute J-cap at 4:49":
Li'l Rock - On Friday th' 15th, a group of HSU college students attended a local "Techno/dance" social gatherin' commonly referred t'as a "Rave". Dexcribed as an eye-openin' experience by most of th' attendees, th' party cornsisted of noomrous participants between th' ages of 15-25. One of th' attendees, who axed t'remain anonymous an' will be referred t'only as "J", dexcribed th' night as "Exhilareetin', ev'ryone jest danced th' night away t'great techno moosic an' awesome visuals. Th' right fineess thin' was no one judged t'other varmint thar: we were all their (sic) t'have fun an' ev'ryone was friends wif the varmint next t'them, dawgone it." As later repo'ted, some examples of th' moosic played were remixes of th' popular "All yer base is belong t'us" an' "Ode t'Joy", while th' visuals cornsisted of continuous animashun loops of chareeckers fum "Alice an' Wonnerlan'", "He-man", "Invader Zim", an' "Princess Mononoke". "Most of th' night we jest danced an' injoyed th' loud moosic" recalls J "Thar were times whar we got tired, but they had free arcades thar so yo' c'd set an' ress an' intertain yo'seff". J then recalled an event of th' night thet stuck out "This hyar hansum long-haired brunette came up an' axed me sumpin. Unfo'tunately due t'th' loud moosic ah c'dn't tell whut she said, so ah jest said no an' she hugged me. Now thet ah reckon ah about it, ah sure wish ah knowed whut quesshun ah answered, cuss it all t' tarnation..." While th' trip was meant t'be pure intertainment fo' th' college troupe it acshully was ejoocayshunal fo' menny "Whut in tarnation did ah larn fum this hyar trip?" axed J, "Th' only thin' thet sticks out in mah mind is 'Dawgone, ah need t'larn how t'dance' ". J's comment was later cornfirmed by ev'ryone else in th' group. On th' ride home, th' side effecks of th' nights outin' soon became apparent, as etch participant had a loud rin'in' in his ear, an' menny kepp noddin' their haids o' shakin' their bodies in beat even though no moosic was bein' played, cuss it all t' tarnation.
Arkade'phia -On Saturday February 16th, a fust flore resident of Oaks Hall do'mito'y was mildly annoyed when his upstairs neighbo' played his moosic so loud thet it vibrated th' residents room, dawgone it. Th' upstairs neighbo', who had awakened earlier than annicipated, played his moosic louder than no'mal due t'his tempo'ary inability t'hear quiet noises. His inflickshun, cuzd by th' previous night's events, was also accompanied by an intense desuhe t'larn how t'dance which led t'his loud playin' of moosic. Af'er noomrous hours of moosic playin' an' failed dancin' moves, th' upstairs resident reso'ted t'entertainin' hisse'f through colo'ful video games much t'th' joy of his distraught downstairs neighbo'.
Arkade'phia - An area college student was unfairly yet hoomrusly denied participashun due t'a technicality in one of menny billiard played on th' evenin' of Saturday, February 16th. Th' player, Dennis, was apart of a group of 4 students playin' a pool game called Cutthroat. Cutthroat is usually played wif 3 varmints who etch claim 5 balls on th' table an' proceed t' hit t'other players' balls in until his balls is th' only one lef' on th' table. In this hyar 4 varmint game, etch varmint chose 3 balls on th' table (only af'er they hit a sin'le ball in) an' af'er 4 sets were chosen th' last unused set (thar is no'mally 15 balls) was cornsidered daid an' prompply removed fum th' table. An impo'tant rule in th' game is eff'n a player scratches on his shot, etch of th' other players places one of their removed balls back on th' table, but only eff'n they haf chosen a set. This hyar rule inadvahtently cuzd a technicality in th' game, as 3 of th' 4 members had already chosen their set an' proceeded t' remove th' balls on th' table befo'e Dennis c'd choose his set. When th' 2 remainin' sets were removed fum th' table, it was reckanized thet Dennis'd be unable t'play on account o' he c'd not choose his set on account o' was not allered t' shoot. Wifout bein' able t'choose a set of balls, none of his balls'd be placed on th' table in th' event of a scratch an' he was th' lef' outta th' remainin' of th' match while his friends laughed at him, dawgone it.
