What to do, what to do...
 My free time at work just started to accumulate, so why not create a page for daily observations and ponderings on life so I can occupy said free time! What a great a idea, I think I just will...

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the writer and the writer only, and do not necessarily reflect those of  HSU. If something offends you then read the rules of this site. Regardless, just sit and enjoy these ramblings and realize that  the writer is only digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole...

Archives February '02

March 21, 2002 - "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, then the lesson afterward" (Vernon Law)
   Well folks, I hate to do this but this is going to be my last post until after Spring Break.  In less than 12 hours I will be boarding a jet to take me to Paris, France where I will spend the next 10 days roaming Europe like the awestruck college student I am. This being my first trip beyond our borders I am quite anxious to see what's out there.  I want to go to "where the history comes from".  But also right now I have some doubt in my mind, because this is the first non-spring break I've had in a while.  While everyone else is swimming in the gulf or relaxing with some video games I'll be exploring Versailles and learning from Picasso.  It's almost like I am still in class, I won't have a break from school it seems.  I should be back on Easter Sunday (which reminds me, I need to stock up on a year's supply of Cadbury eggs so I'll never run out) and I'm sure I will have plenty of stories to tell. Like the fact that I finally got a car today!  Yes, no more running 4 miles for me, I can now grow fat sitting in a car seat like everyone else.  Of course I have yet to drive it, that's something I'll do when I get back.  Not much else to say, I guess my biggest regret about it being Spring Break is I some how procrastinated asking this wonderful girl out on a date, something I've been planning since January, and now it's too late.  I won't see her until after Spring Break, which is basically when all hell breaks loose and no one has free time for things like that.  But again, that's a story for another day...
  Oh yea, I at least better stay with the theme of this page so I guess I'll give a brief synopsis of my day: Woke up, went to work, went to Digital Page, presented CD cover designs, got out early, ate Caddo, regretted eating Caddo, studied for Computer Programming test, screwed up on said test, went to work, went home, test drove car, bought car, celebrated with a fancy meal at Taco Tico, went to dorm, played Unreal, beat all players at Unreal, wrote program to calculate Annual Gross State Income Tax, packed for trip, wrote this page, the end.   How was that?   I know, I didn't really expound on anything but I am really in a hurry, maybe next time. 
  And with that, I am off. I spent 2 years scrounging and saving my money for this trip and there's no way I am going to miss my flight because I stayed up late typing this.  I hope everyone has a good Spring Break, and be sure to tape MTV for me because lord knows this is the only time they show any "quality programming".  Ah, what am I  thinking, they'll be showing reruns of this Spring Break until next  September...
    Take care!
  -J, who suddenly wishes he paid more attention in History, Art appreciation, Civilization, Music appreciation, Geography, etc. so he knew what all the hubbub was about...

March 20, 2002 - "The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit."  (Eric Porterfield)
   As you may have noticed, this page has not been updated since Monday. I try not to miss an update but yesterday I couldn't help it.  Basically I was in Little Rock all day at a Photoshop workshop learning some new tricks of the trade and anticipating my chance to use those tricks on my own projects.   I'll fill everyone in on my escapades later, right now I have a strong desire to work in Photoshop 6...

   Of course today is also Wednesday which means I post the pictures I've taken during the week. Unfortunately, I was gone all day yesterday and couldn't have the camera on Monday so there may be a slight shortage of unrelated pictures this week.  But the groups of pictures I do have are pure gems!  So let's see what I learned this week:

I always know it's going to be a good day when Chuck the Squirrel barks at me from his hole-in-the-wall
In the Honors dorm, everything breaks done. This includes clothes dryers, sinks, showers, doors, and the laws of gravity  2
When the gravity does go out, some people are ashamed to live in the dorm
The newest form of entertainment is Photoshop wars where people square off in a death match trying to create the best original picture using only Photoshop
When P-wars occur, the battle is usually fierce and there is always someone with a sly trick up their sleeve
Some people just can't be bothered while practicing guitar violin
Some students seemingly sleep forever after going to class and/or playing Everquest 2
Never take a surprise picture of your co-worker, for she will probably just give you tons of her busy-work in return

   -J, who can't wait for the sequel

March 18, 2002 - "Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."    (Will Rogers)

  They say that as you grow older, your hearing is the first thing to go. I beg to differ. In my experience, the first thing to go is your ability to write compelling introductions. Now get the hell off of my lawn. 

Oh yea, and enjoy the J-cap...

    -J, who has the reaction time of a snake 

Local jogger challenges rain 3 times, loses
  Arkadelphia-  A college jogger was drenched three times this past weekend when he challenged the weather by daring to exercise when a torrential downpour was looming on the horizon.   The first occurrence happened on Saturday when the jogger left his dorm for his abnormal 4 mile run.  At the time of his departure, the weather consisted of a mere overcast with little to no rain indications.  Unfortunately, the weather took a turn for the worse as the jogger reached the hospital indication the 2 mile marker. Without warning water poured from the sky, quickly overtaking the exhausted jogger and causing great dampness to his jogging attire.  He quickly took shelter at the hospital, an ironic end to the jogging trail since most athletes need to be hospitalized upon reaching it, where he waited until the rain dissipated.  Instead of running the two miles back to his dorm, the jogger decided to make a detour towards his family's house less than a mile away. Upon reaching the house he was quickly fed and entertained and then promptly returned to his dorm via the family car.  Sadly, this was not the last instance of rain-challenging the occurred as later the same jogger decided to go for his morning run to his art class down the hill.  Left without a vehicle, the jogger was forced to proceed to the art annex on foot. Initially, the precipitation was a mere drizzle, but it quickly and violently progressed into torrents of water during the jog down the hill.  When he reached the art annex the rain died down to a light downfall. Once he realized what had happened the student proceed to shake his soaked head in disbelief, an act which onlookers claim imitated a sprinkler.  To add insult to injury, only one other student was at the art annex and he was unable to give the jogger a ride up the hill at the end of the class.  So once again the jogger braved the freezing rain as he ran up the sharp decline his dorm resided.  Upon reaching his dorm, the jogger changed clothes and vowed to someday purchase a car so this frequent event would never occur again.  

Eternal question of "kiss or chocolate?" satisfactorily answered
   The early morning hours of Saturday consisted of many surprising events in a few dorm rooms, the most significant being the discover of a satisfactory answer to the long-asked question of "Which is better, chocolate or a kiss?".  The answer was discovered by an art major while he was talking to some friends in his neighbor's room.  The art major's conversation was soon interrupted when another art friend of his entered the room with a handful of chocolate and asked "Which is better, this chocolate or a kiss?"  Immediately, every guy's attention focused on the beautiful woman as she repeated the question.  Most of the residents considered her inquiry as being purely hypothetical, but the male art major knew better.  When his female art friend asked him the question he replied with "Well it depends, is it milk chocolate or dark chocolate, and who's giving the kiss?"  When his luscious friend stated that the chocolate was milk chocolate and that she would be the one giving the kiss the art major had to think about his reply. After pondering both possibilities for a few minutes (milk chocolate is quite tasty, you know?) the art major finally decided to go with the kiss, which he then received in a satisfactory manner.   Next, he acted according to human nature by wondering what the chocolate would have tasted like if he had chosen it instead.  He then removed that thought from his mind as it dawned on him what had just occurred and he smiled at his satisfactory decision. At that time his lovely female friend asked another male in the room her question to which he quickly chose the chocolate, a rather smart move considering his girlfriend would not have approved of a him kissing another beautiful girl. 

IN BRIEF

Pizza successfully ordered
  In a surprising turn of events, 4 local college student were able to place an order to the local Pizza Hut in less 30 minutes effectively beating the 9:30 closing time.  The four students argued about who was going to go to the trouble of calling until finally someone went to the trouble of actually picking up the phone and calling while the other three were still arguing.  The three students then declared that calling student would always be apart of any further pizza arguments in order to prevent any future predicaments .

Dying cat sings in dorm
  A dying cat was somehow released into the honors dorm this past weekend where it proceeded to sing such favorites as "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Mary had a Little Lamb".  The singing, which was heard through out the dorm and caused many a ear to bleed, was temporarily halted when the cat was discovered and his picture was taken.  Presently, the dying cat still trying to sing but is tolerated by the residents who hope the dying cat will be resurrected into a luxurious singing cat with a larger repertoire.

Japanese ritual of Seppuka committed during pool game
  An act of Seppuka, the Japanese term for suicide, was committed during the last minutes of a Cutthroat game.  A pool player committed Seppuka by shooting the cue ball and hitting his final ball in the pocket instead of the opponent's ball.  In normal circumstances this would not end the player's turn for he would still have one shot left to remove the opponent's ball from the table. Unfortunately, the player hit the cue ball with such force that the momentum caused the cue ball to follow his final ball into the pocket, thus removing him from the game and resurrecting the other players' balls. 

March 14, 2002 - "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."  (Rich Cook)

Today I have decided to do something different. I think every Friday my page should change drastically for one day just to cater to the different dialects we have in Arkansas.  So today to start off the trend I'll have the entire page be in "Redneck dialect" since deep down, we are all rednecks, right?  But hey, I'll cater to everyone's needs, if reading this page is too hard for you to understand, then just read the Redneck Page and try to compare sentences on each page to see how they relate.  Don't worry, tomorrow everything will be back to normal so enjoy this while you can, and don't forget: the ENTIRE page is written in a redneck dialect and not just this post. If you thought some of my previous posts were funny originally, try reading them now! 

  Has anyone looked outside today? It's absolutely gorgeous!  Why would anyone want to stay inside and work on the computer on a day like this? Finally, it officially feels like it is Spring outside, and the college students are reacting accordingly.  When I was walking to work today I passed through the Quad and there were speakers blasting out great music while people tossed a Frisbee to each other.  You really couldn't ask for a better day to get out and have some fun...
  As for me, everything seems to be going well.  I survived my tutoring job yesterday and even got some pizza out of the deal.  I'm still surprised of how much math I can remember even though it's been 4 years since I had a math class.  I don't think I could survive another high level math class, the last one started pushing me to my limits and I was actually smart back then.   Hopefully, if all goes as planned I won't have to take anything higher than Calculus to graduate.  Since when did you need to know about derivatives and limits to earn an art degree?  I don't plan on physically drawing my ray-tracing projects anytime soon so I think I should stop my math career now.  Anyways, after I returned from tutoring I was sucked into a "Battle of the Sexes" game taking place in the lobby of my dorm. The host asked the guys questions pertaining to girls and vice versa, except all of the guy-related questions were fairly easy compared to the girl-related questions.  The girls received questions like "What is a double bogie in golf?",  "What sport does Charles Barkley play?", or "Name the 5 family members in the Simpsons" while the guys received questions about sewing and cooking, or where to buy notions.    Most of the guy questions involved famous people that anyone would know not just the guys.  To make matters worse ever person who walked into the lobby would start to play. The only problem was no guys walked in, but the girls nearly tripled their participants by the end of the game.  Oh it was sad indeed... Of course the guys lost but it was close in the end (15-13).  Then again, it was worth it hearing the women argue about questions involving tool when it was obvious they had no clue what they were saying.  It was funny until they GUESSED the right answer for three different questions.  Oh well, all in all it was still a fun game even if it was one-sided. After that I resorted to working in my room for a while. Later, I went out and talked to some friends in the lobby for a few hours before heading back to the room to sleep.  And that folks, was my Wednesday. As for my Thursday?  Well shoot, I'm behind again, I can't remember if I am suppose to talk about the previous days events in each post or talk about what I did that day.  Considering this is the "what I did today" page I would assume it's the latter.  Well I'll catch everyone up tomorrow then since tonight I need to study for a  Philosophy test I'm taking tomorrow and I can't spend the whole night editing this page. So until tomorrow, don't have too much fun now ya hear?

 -J, who doesn't *really* speak redneck.

March 13, 2002 - "Half of the people in the world are below average"
   Hoo-ha! The week is half way over and I am starting to perk up already! Just like last Wednesday, I decided to carry around a camera and document the actions around me.  It's amazing what you can learn from just a few pictures...

If you wake up before noon, sometimes the campus looks a little fuzzy
Sometimes a person is just too involved in Starcraft to turn around and smile
If you bruise your knuckle bad enough, it almost looks like you have a really dark tan
Either I'm shrinking, or this guy has his head on the ceiling. 
This "Battle of the Sexes" game seems pretty one-sided
Sometimes your roommate's shoes smell so bad that they get kicked out of the room
Every dorm has a guy who fits all the college picture stereotypes
Sometimes you don't want to know what a girl is looking at

As of right now, I don't have the time to put up any more descriptions of today's events, but I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to finish everything.  So until then, beware of picture-Wednesdays.

March 12, 2002 - "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines"
  Today is another Tuesday, and you know how I feel about Tuesdays.  Luckily it wasn't that bad of a day as Tuesdays go, in fact I had a fairly decent day.  I showed up to 2/3 of my classes and completed all the tasks given to me in each one.  I turned in my design for the HSU Theatre shirt, and finished editing and printing my Typography book.  Later I progressed 3 levels at the Gamingforce forums by posting for an hour, a wonderful use of one's wasted time if you ask me, and played pool as usual.  As always something funny happened at the pool table but we've had enough pool humor for now, maybe later.  Later I practiced the piano, talked to some friends in Painting 1, and then came back to my room and enjoyed a few games of Starcraft with some dorm friends. Finally I watched someone play GTA3 and then talked to a friend from my dorm for an hour. When she went to bed I suddenly realized it was already 1:30AM so I went straight to my room and hit the sack.  As you can tell, Tuesday don't really put me in a descriptive mood and there is not much I have to say about what I did today.  Although, I did have an embarrassing phone situation near the end of the night. I received about 5 calls in a row from different people and on each one I answered with a courteous "hello".  After receiving so many calls from people in the dorm I was rather annoyed and decided to stop being courteous starting with the next call.  Low and behold the phone rang again and I assumed it was one of my friends from down the hall calling again.  I pick up the phone and reply in my best New York accent "Ya, what do YOU want!?!"...

Turns out is was my tutee's mother asking if I can come to work tomorrow to help her with her math. 

I'm not going to say what happened next, but I will say that I ran through many shades of red in only matter of seconds. Luckily I still have a tutee and a job on Wednesday, and I get free pizza out of the deal to boot.  Still it wasn't a pleasant experience.

Finally, for those of you who noticed, I didn't post anything about my Monday.  This is mainly due to the fact that I spent 4 hours writing the J-cap and then worked on all of my projects due today.  My brain is still fried from all that writing and I don't remember much else from Monday since nothing of any significance happened.  I did post something in the J-cap about Monday morning so consider that the Monday post.  So until next time, lets hope you do the right thing.

 -J, who's hoping for a better tomorrow.

March 11, 2002- "Weasels may be sly, but eagles don't get run over by cars"                            
  Who would have thought the weekend would have gone by so quickly?  Well, now that a brand new week is upon us, I guess I better get back to doing real work...  either that or  I can just procrastinate some more.  But enough about me, it's Monday, which means it's time for the weekend J-Cap...

   -J, who scored a 30 on his own quiz

Billiard player scratches on last shot, game seemingly never ends
Arkadelphia- In a tragedy not uncommon to Oaks Hall, a local billiard player knocked both the final ball and the cue ball into different pockets on the game winning shot thus prolonging the Cutthroat game for many hours.   The game of Cutthroat, the objective of which is to sink the other players designated balls without scratching, started around 7:00 PM on Saturday March 9th and did not end until some time after the 9 o'clock hour.  After the player knocked the last remaining opponent's ball in the pocket he proceeded to cheer and boast about his victory.  His cheers soon became woes as he watched the cue ball continue to bounce off the bunkers and finally roll into the hole directly opposite of the one he aimed for.  The audiences' reaction was almost instantaneous at this sight, they began too jump, cheer, and laugh at the embarrassed player who resurrected their chances of winning the game.  The game then continued with each person placing one of their balls back on the table and aiming for an opposing players ball. Suddenly, tragedy struck again as another player seemingly won the game until the cue ball continued to roll and fell in another pocket.  The taunting and cheering then resumed and the game continued as before.  In the end, the same Cutthroat game nearly ended three  separate times but was prolonged by the accidental or sometimes intended sinking of the cue ball which resulted in each player receiving a ball on the pool table.  This was not the first occurrence of a game lasting more than 2 hours, and it is highly probable that it won't be the last.

Forgotten practical joke backfires. Chili, mouth ruined.
Arkadelphia-  A local resident suffered immense pain when a forgotten practical joke he set up backfired on him causing extreme discomfort and humiliation.  The joke consisted of a single bowl covered in a thin layer of Da Bomb, the self-titled second hottest sauce in the world, which was placed in reserve until an unsuspecting victim asked to borrow a bowl from the resident.  If all had gone to plan, the victim would have devoured the contents only to be stricken with immense pain as the barely edible hot sauce attacked the taste buds causing the sensation of one's mouth catching on fire.   The victim's reactions would then cause much laughter among the watching practical jokers and his mouth would return to normal within a matter of minutes.  Unfortunately, the joke did carry out as the resident planned.  The resident covered the bowl in the hot sauce sometime in December and promptly hid it in the back of his cabinet for later use.  The bowl was then forgotten over the next three months and did not succeed in bringing it's fiery torment upon an unsuspecting victim.  That is, until Saturday...   Desperate for a clean bowl to place his freshly cooked chili,  the same resident rummaged around in his dish cabinet only to find dirty dishes whose cleaning was procrastinated.  Suddenly, as luck/fate would have it, the unsuspecting resident came across the tainted bowl cleverly hidden behind a five month old cereal box.  The resident then proceeded to place the chili in the bowl and devour it at such a rapid pace that he finished off nearly one-third of the chili before he realized his mistake.  The realization of what was secretly hidden the bowl dawned on him as soon as the first signs of fire hit his taste buds.  The Da Bomb instructions carefully warn the purchaser not to use more than 1 drop of sauce in a 2 galloon mix of chili. The bowl was reported to containing the equivalent of 10 drops per one cup of chili.  In normal circumstances, only one bite would be taken before the hot sauce took effect, thus reducing the effect and duration of Da Bomb.  Unfortunately, the effect of the hot sauce tripled due to the rapid ingestion of the chili by the resident and the large ratio of sauce per chili.  Luckily, no other dorm residents were present to see the unfortunate victim's painful and humorous agony, and the irony of the event quickly set in resident's mind as he rolled on the floor desperately searching for a bottle of water.  To his dismay, all forms of liquid were already used and discarded from his room and he was left only to suffer and plan his revenge.  After a few hours everything returned to normal and the resident quickly removed any evidence of his humiliation from the room. This was not the first time the hot sauce was accidentally ingested, as the same resident's roommate had previously placed a rather large amount of Da Bomb on a tortilla chip and ate it. The resulting reaction was deemed "hilarious" and "absolutely the funniest thing I've seen in ages"  by onlookers who watched the roommate try to quench the fire with, among other things, sour milk.   

Debate on purchase of pizza lasts past pizza delivery closing time
  Arkadelphia-  In an act that personifies the pitiful laziness among college students, a debate involving the purchase of a pizza lasted so long that after the debate came to a conclusion the pizza delivery service had already closed.  The initial conditions to the debate were easily met by the 4 college students around 8:00 PM on Saturday. Each one agreed they desired a large sausage-and-pepperoni-stuffed-crust pizza from Pizza Hut.  Once the pizza conditions were established  a new debate on who would call Pizza Hut soon manifested.  Each of the four students claimed another should call the establishment to place the order, an act which would take a maximum of two minutes, and the debate continued for most of the night.  Originally started while playing pool, the debate moved from the lobby into one of the student's dorm rooms.  Nonchalant statements such as "So Dennis when, are you going to call for the pizza?" and "Speaking of boxes, I could really go for some pizza in a box" were frequently sprinkled in other conversations the four students had throughout the night.  Finally one person gave in and was about to call when it was discovered no one knew Pizza Hut's phone number.  A new debate on who would leave his chair to find a phone book in the dorm quickly appeared.  After a stalemate in that debate one of the residents noticed a shred of a Pizza Hut box in a trash can  across the room and deducted it would have the number printed somewhere on it.  Not surprisingly, a debate on who would walk over to get the shred of box soon occurred and was finally ended when a passerby heard the argument and walked in, grabbed the pizza box shred, and traveled the 7 feet from the trashcan to the students to hand them the box.  To their dismay the box had no phone number on it and the group of residents were back to square one.  After more debate, someone pointed out that the computer sitting in front of them might have a website with the phone number on it.  When the idea of computer-involvement arose, the students were quickly motivated to find a Pizza Hut website. Within one minute a phone number and map for the local Pizza Hut four blocks down the road were produced.  When someone finally called Pizza Hut at 9:45 the employee replied that pizza delivery was already closed and someone would have to travel to the store to pick up the pizza.  Again, a new debate reared it's ugly head...  In the end each student received their 2 slices of sausage-and-pepperoni-stuffed-crust pizza and everything returned to normal. That is, until the chore of throwing the pizza box away became an issue...

IN BRIEF

Pool player suspects other player is cheating on break
  A pool player came to the conclusion that the opening break was not set up correctly when he saw the ball placement on the table.  Luckily, the cheating player missed all the balls on the opening shot and the cheated player sunk three balls when his turn came about.

Pictures taken in dream did not turn out well in real life
   A photography student was surprised when the pictures he imagined himself taking in a dream did not turn out well in real life.  He was unable to find a good dream -> reality film transfer and thus the stunning pictures of the sun turning blue and exploding over the Arkansas sky could not be shown to the rest of the real world. 

Working on multiple projects all weekend causes student to miss classes they are due in
  When a local student devoted his entire weekend to completing multiple projects he exhausted himself to such a degree that he accidentally overslept all of his classes on Monday which the projects were due in.  It is still unknown if the projects were still be accepted at a later date, and the student can be seen slamming his head against a wall in the Oaks dorm. 

March 9, 2002- "I hope I die in my sleep like my grandfather, and not while I'm awake like those passengers who were riding with my grandfather" -Dennis
  Well its time for a two in one post considering I missed my update yesterday.  These past two days have been fairly decent.  On Friday I went home for some free food (sure beats Caddo) and ended up staying there longer than I expected, but I did get to see a movie out of the deal (Time Machine) which is always a plus.  I don't understand how a city with two colleges and quite a few highschoolers  still refuses to get a movie theater.  I'm tired of having to drive 45 minutes to see a decent movie in a theater... oh well, that's a story for another day. Not much else happened at my house - I played the piano,  threw my the Frisbee at my dog for a while, and basically lounged about until I was able to get back to my dorm.  As I asked last week, why do people go home for an entire weekend?   I can't see how it can be productive.  It's nice to see the family and maybe get a free meal or two, but if you're like me (god forbid) you won't have anything to do at home. All my leisure items are in my dorm room, so when I go home I have nothing to do except watch TV and play the piano, both of which aren't enough to keep me interested/entertained for an entire weekend.  Not only that but all my friends from High School are off at non-suitcase colleges and don't come home over the weekend.  Without much incentive to go home, I usually stay in my dorm and entertain myself through various activities, many of which get put up in humor columns on this site.  Now if only more people stayed and did the same maybe my dorm would look less like a ghost town come Friday around 5 o'clock.  
   In my last post I stated that I broke my knuckle, but now after carefully examining I have no clue what I did to it.  It's probably more of a chip in the bone than anything.  The swelling has diminished and now my hand no longer looks like Quasimodo with his deformed back.  Instead my knuckle is a dark red-purple color which resembles a bruise. Then again, it could also be that color because my dorm is absolutely freezing. Hey Maintenance, just because it warms up for two days does not mean you can turn our heaters off and turn on the air conditioning! My knuckle doesn't hurt very often, and it has yet to inhibit me from doing my usual activities.  I think the worse is over on my knuckle story so let's just close the case.
   As for today,  I returned to my dorm room around noon and proceeded to work on one of the many projects I have due on Monday.  After working on my project for some time I grew bored and went to MG's room to talk for a few hours.  I haven't ever had the chance to talk with her alone and I learned many things from our conversation.  Yet, even though I learned a lot I am still just as confused as ever about her. I've said it once before but I think it needs to be reiterated: Some girls can be so confusing, its like they purposefully are ambiguous with their statements just to mess with my mind.  I can see trying to decipher MG's thoughts and motives becoming a daily routine, so check back later for more info on this continuing soap opera.
    After my conversation with MG I practiced the piano, which interestingly enough is something I actually do for fun, and then I ran into two of my friends and ate at Caddo with them.  Once again, I was drawn into another interesting conversation which I probably won't  discuss here but I will say it was a very eye opening discussion.  In fact, if I had followed through with the topic, I probably wouldn't be here typing this tonight. Instead I would be hanging with those friends while being put in situations beyond my control which all have unknown consequences (which pretty much describes my entire college life). I am surprised on how much a person can change over a period of a year, as the girl I talked to at dinner was someone who did not seem the type that would partake in said acts.  I've seen too many people lose their scholarships due to stupid reasons, such as playing games too much, or sleeping in instead of attending class, and I don't want to see anyone else leave due to the same or other reasons.  Which is why its so surprising to me that people who were straight and knew what they were doing last year could mess up their college career this year with such pitiful excuses. Of course it's not my job to tell them that, everyone needs to realize these things for themselves, and most people think what they are doing is for the best.  Luckily for me, most of the people in my dorm are smart to realize they need a good work ethic to survive in the real world and I don't have to be worried about them not showing up next year.  Funny, here I am talking about needing a good work ethic to survive and yet just today I stopped working on a project just to converse with a girl for a few hours...
   And with that, I am out of room.  Don't worry though I plan on coming back Monday with my usual J-cap that will contain all the humor you need to survive! Until then, help me with my work...

March 7, 2002- "No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care"
   I am really undecided about how to view today.  Overall, I accomplished little of what was required out of me, but on the other hand I had some fairly good reasons. The way it's looking now, I am going to be busy all this weekend working on projects due this past week, so don't expect much out of me come Monday.  Plus, I think I broke my knuckle 3 days ago and didn't realize it until today.  I slammed my knuckle into something earlier this week (can't quite remember what it was I hit) and then today that same knuckle was 3 times larger than it should be.  Is it possible to break a bone and not realize it?  Oh well, from what I hear there's not much I can do about it except let it heal and just proceed with life like I would.  Luckily its my right-hand ring-finger knuckle, probably the one finger I use the least (I'm left handed) so it shouldn't cause too much of a problem, heck I'm typing this like I normally would.   Not only that, but I've used my hand in some extreme activities (re: Spider-Man pics in yesterdays post) since I busted it and it didn't bother me then. Also, I think my friend Stephen did the same thing a few years back and his hand turned out okay... then again, this is the same friend who claimed he didn't need stitches after a shovel "accidentally" cut a 1 inch gash in his head; and the same Stephen who recently went to the hospital  because he let two of his back teeth turn black with rot because he was to stubborn to do anything about them...  Now that I think about it, maybe I should lay off the usual extreme activities until the swelling goes down.
   What else... oh yea, I started receiving a little flak today from people who didn't like their pictures in yesterday's post.  Most were good sports and enjoyed the humor, while one in particular wasn't happy at all (she also caries a grudge against me due to some "incident").  She got rather mad at me and yet still seemed to be her usual happy self while doing it.  It's people like her who confuse me, I can't tell if they're just playing with me or are really mad at me.  I remember last semester I commented on her leotard and she really laid a guilt trip on me because of it.  I ended up giving in and apologizing all weekend for it until she finally told me she was just joking around. Some girls are just too confusing.  In the end I still have the last laugh, though, but that's a massive story for another article...
  Finally, I must share my condolences with an old dorm friend of mine who lost someone very close to her this morning: We (the dorm and your friends) are all praying for you, Leah, and are here for you as always.  If you ever need anything you know where to go...

    -J wishes he knew what to do

March 6, 2002- "The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity"
    Today was awkward.  I went through most of the day thinking it was Thursday and trying to convince myself that the weekend was one day away.  After a day like Tuesday I think my mind was just wanting to rest and the closer I thought  it was to the weekend the better I would feel.  Most of the day went by without a hitch. I turned in my poster, showed up to every class, survived Caddo, worked on my screen-print, and in the end I just hung around the dorm talking to friends.... oh yeah, I had a camera too.  It's amazing what valuable lessons you learn when you take a camera into a dorm:

Never surprise a person playing Everquest 1 2
Don't insult a softball player because she probably could beat you up
Some people just can't be bothered while practicing
Acting like Spider-man is fun
Scaring people while acting like Spider-man is better
People give you funny looks when they realize it was them you were talking about in a recent J-cap article
You can still see your girlfriend even if she lives 300 miles away
If two girls give you a weird look when you walk into their room, they were probably talking about you
Finally, people mad at you for locking them in the bathroom will always smile before they attack

And that, my friends, was my Wednesday.  Look forward to more "picture stories" in the future, as I expect a lot of good use to come out of that digital camera...
So until tomorrow, never trust a guy with a camera and Photoshop
    -J

 

March 5, 2002- "If at first you don't succeed, redefine success."
 Yeah I know I'm late with my post, but after a day like today I'm lucky I have the strength to even post something.  I finally had a taste of the graphic design  industry today when I was given a job to accomplish by a certain deadline.  I only expected to spend a hour tops working on the task given to me;  instead I spent 8 hours preparing a poster for the printer so it can be distributed across campus.  It's amazing how some jobs seem so small and easy when you think about them, but when you actually start to work on them they will take up most of your day and you still won't finish them.  Today I woke up at 6:45 and did not get back to my room until 10:30 PM due the whole poster job.  I had no idea about all the intricacies that go into setting up a seemingly simple poster for publication.  In the long run, this job has given me some industry experience so I guess it was worth it...
   In other news, did anyone read the new Oracle (our school newspaper)?    Seems like one of our own students has felt the need advertise himself in the ad section.  If taken seriously the ad just seems stupid, but if you realize it was put in there as a joke it can be quite funny.  For those of you curious, the ad reads:
"The real student of the week is Mitch Mangrum. Mitch is a member of the Honors College and has a 4.0 GPA.  He is also a Nobel Prize winner, for his groundbreaking cancer research, and was nominated for a Pulitzer for his writings based on cultural diversity. Mitch is current directing a feature-film and has an estimated net worth o35(sic) Million."
   I actually laughed when reading this, because only Mitch would be the type to write something of the sort.  I guess he chose to place the ad because he has yet to win the Student of the week this year (hate to tell you this Mitch, but you can't win if you are the only one who nominated yourself).  Congrats to Mitch for actually bringing laughter back to the newspaper, and for helping me waste space on this page by commenting on your ad.  Now leave me alone....  ;)
   Of course there can't be a week that goes by without me complaining about something, and today I have found that complaint:  The only source real source of "good" food on campus is at the Reddie Cafe. In order to buy that "delicious" food you either need to pay via cash, a rare object among college students, or with your ID card which draws the money from your declining balance.  I try to eat at the Reddie Cafe 2-3 times a week but I was hindered from doing so last week by an unforeseen circumstance.  For some reason my card does not scan at the Reddie Cafe anymore.   It's not that I don't have an account, the machines just can't read my card anymore.  So how do I have to fix this?  By getting a brand new card...   Okay, so that doesn't sound so bad, but I (or my stubbornness) have a problem with it.  First of all, I know my card works- I use it everyday at the Caddo, the Art Annex building, the Mac lab, and the Garrison labs.   So if the card doesn't work at the Reddie Cafe, is it my fault? Do I have a faulty card?  I think not (thus I do not exist according to Descartes' "Cogito ergo sum").  I've had my card since the fall semester of '98, and I was actually hoping it could last me until I graduate sometime in the next 7+ years.  If I get a new card, my old card will cease to function and will be destroyed (or so I've been told, I probably should look into this one) which is something I am too stubborn to accept.    Also, I am either working or in class from 8-5 everyday, I really don't have the time nor the funds to stop by Womack to get the new card  (again, I was told it costs money to get a new card, a fact I need to verify first).  Mainly, my complaint is why should I go out of my way to get a new card when it is not required anywhere else.  Reddie Cafe used to be able to type in our SS# when a card didn't work, but for some reason they are no longer "allowed" to do so.  I can see them refusing to type in my SS# when I forget my card, but if I give them my ID card which has my ID number on it what difference does it make whether they slide it or type it?  I know I don't have much to back my complaint on (basically because it is based on stubbornness/laziness/nostalgia) but I still don't understand what their reasoning in implementing this new "No typing SS#" rule.  If I could get a new card and still be allowed to use/keep my old card then I really wouldn't complain.  But if I have to lose the last remaining artifact of my first-week-in-college-4-years-ago because of some stupid new Reddie Cafe rule, then I think I have the right to stand up and do something about it.  Which I just did...

BTW, are you curious of why I really don't like the Caddo Cafeteria?

March 4, 2002- "If something can't go wrong at all, it will go wrong in a very spectacular way"
    Another weekend come and gone, another week lays out before me, let the countdown until Spring Break begin.  As I mentioned in my last post, many events occurred over this past weekend.  While nothing was absolutely spectacular, overall the weekend was a success:  much happened, and little got done.  Hmmmm, well by that definition the weekend was a total failure since I failed to accomplish anything productive, but we'll just ignore that technicality. 
    So what did you come here to read? Did you want a detailed story on my non-productive weekend, or did you want to read about the humorous portions?  Well, if it's humor you want then let's see what the J-cap of the weekend has to say...

Student Trapped!
Arkadelphia - An ill-fated student was accidentally locked in her own bathroom for a small duration in the early morning hours of Saturday, March 2.  The student, a resident of Oaks Honors Hall, became stuck in the bathroom she shared with her suitemates due to a technicality in the dorm's design. Each dorm room shares a bathroom with the room directly next to it, and in order to keep the privacy of each dorm room the bathroom door locks from the outside. The original reasoning behind this was to keep the suitemates from walking through the bathroom and stealing stuff from the next room, but what the designers did or did not realize was that someone could effectively be trapped within the bathroom  by having each door locked from it's respective dorm room.  Such a tragedy befell the resident, who shall be referred to as MG, as she returned from her late night job around the 1:00 hour.  Upon returning to her room, she entered her bathroom to prepare herself for bed.  Unbeknownst to MG,  each bathroom door mysteriously and silently shut and locked itself.  How this happened still remains a mystery as both MG's suitemates and roommate had gone to their respective homes for the weekend.  When MG tried to exit the bathroom she quickly realized her predicament and began to knock on her door to be freed.  As luck would have it, MG would only  be trapped in the bathroom for about five minutes before she was rescued by two gentlemen who had just returned from a late night social gathering.  After hearing her plight through the remarkably thin dorm walls, both residents rushed to her door to free her. She quickly returned the favor by blaming them for her entrapment.  "Should have figured [MG] would blame us.  She always blames those around her when something goes wrong, which seems to happen quite frequently with her" stated one of the rescuers.  The other rescuer was unavailable for comment as he was removing fingerprints from two unrelated bathroom doors.

Dorm friends see new sides of each other at gathering
Arkadelphia - A group of dorm friends traveled together to a small gathering at a house in southern Arkadelphia where they witnessed sides of each other previously unknown.  The gathering, one of many that occurred that night, was accompanied by loud music which inspired many of the female friends in the group to dance.  The males sat down and conversed with other attendees until they noticed the strange dancing style of their female friends.  "Wow, I never knew Mary* could dance like that" claimed one awe-stricken dorm resident, "She must have been in gymnastics as a kid".  Other attendees tried to comment but were unable to due to their jaws being stuck on the floor.  The females' moves, while mostly benign in nature, consisted of fluid motions that can be found in gymnastic meets and Jennifer Lopez videos.  After the music stopped each female returned to her previous task as her male friends still pondered where they learned so many cool moves.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent which, regardless of what this article may imply, are still quite innocent.

IN BRIEF

Skunk Attack!
A local dorm was attacked late Sunday night by a skunk and it's array of putrid smells.  Those residents still residing within the building could do nothing but gag and pray for a quick intervention of a car tire which had successfully thwarted an attack by a previous skunk.

Eight-ball sunk prematurely
A game of pool ended quite prematurely when during the second shot the Eight-ball accidentally fell into the pocket.  To make matters worse, the Eight-ball was the first ball to be knocked into the hole and was also the farthest from a hole.  The shooter was thoroughly humiliated but was relieved when numerous other moronic events occurred to other players. 

Dual facades broken!
Two students who had each created a false image of himself/herself to impress the other were promptly embarrassed when each discovered the other at a function which neither were thought to attend.  After attempting to conjure up a lame excuse to explain his/her presence, each individual finally gave in and admitted their facades simultaneously. 

Spelling and grammar check not accustomed to Web addict's slang.
A local MMORPG player was inable to write a dec3nt p4PeR cuz his w0Rd PrOce5s0r  would'nt acc5pt hiz wr1tNg stylz. "IMO this Progr4m is sCr5Wed up" claimed the typist "I mean, WTF? Why dozn't it like my 'breviationz?". Why ind33d,  w00t w00t...

February 29    March 1, 2002- "Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
    Finally, the weekend has arrived!  I don't care how bad a Friday is, nothing can ruin my enjoyment of a weekend... that is unless of course they steal it from me by forcing me to partake in some event which I'd rather not be apart.  If today were a Tuesday, I would have hated it: it was cold, wet and rather boring. Instead since it's a Friday, I think it was an awesome day! 
     I now have a new idea for to make conversations easier. For those of you following, a while back I called for a "sarcasm font" you can use while typing so indicate you were being sarcastic.  I can't count the instances where someone took my sarcasm in E-mail for truth and were really offended by it. My sense of humor mainly revolves around sarcasm and without a way to type it effectively I can really get myself in trouble.  That's why I say make a "sarcasm" font type like italics or bold so you just let people know not to take you seriously.  I think putting the label <sarcasm alert> in front of any potential sarcasm pretty much ruins the idea.  Anyways back to the point at hand, my new idea is walk-by key words:
  With the hustle and bustle of today's world we don't have time to have even a small conversation as you pass someone on the sidewalk.   I pass people everyday on the way to class and all I ever have time to say is "hey" or some questions like "how are you". Many times I have already passed the person before they can fully answer so all we get is some half-way conversation.  Of course most people would stop and actually talk to the people they pass if they wanted a full conversation, but who has time for that anymore?  I pass by at least 5 people I know every time I walk across campus to work/class and I don't have time to catch up with everyone I see. Thus I say we need short "key-words" that stand for full sentences.  Kind of like they have in chat rooms where IMO means "in my opinion" or ROFL  mean "roll on floor laughing", why don't we have short hand conversation tools for passing by?  Like I could walk by someone and say "Hoi-hoi" which would mean "Hey, how are you doing, has you day been good?" and they can reply "Bene" which would mean "Hey yourself, pretty good, talk to you later" or something of the sort. Of course I am pulling these words out of thin air, but you get the drift. In the time it takes you say hi to someone you already have to say bye to them, but if you refuse to do either in the South then you are considered un-friendly or inconsiderate or *gasp* a stuck-up prick.  So why not integrate hello and goodbye into a single word/phrase so you aren't left with a hanging conversation?   Also we can take a note from the Chinese and change the meaning or tone of a word by different inflictions of the voice. If you say it higher than normal than it means you're happy, while lower means sad. Most people do this as it is, so it would come naturally I guess. Of course this is just an idea, something I think should happen, not necessarily something that will happen.  But then again, I've seen teenagers turn in essays containing the same chat lingo I mentioned earlier. Maybe in a few years as the generations that were raised by "short-hand chat conversations" mature and take over our own lingo will change with them.  Until then, I am just going to have to live with my half-way conversations...
   On to the next topic... well...  its the weekend, and events happen.  Not sure if they need to be posted now but sometime soon I'll put them up. That is, only if I see no harm in doing so.  Until then, I'll leave you with this final thought: I just think I sent the wrong people to the wrong party.  A group of people came to me asking how to get to someone's house where a party was going on, and I told them how to get there. Now that I think about it, I sent them to the wrong house and the wrong party. I knew of a few events going on tonight so I guess I just got them confused.  What's even worse is the house I sent them to contains the type of people who are totally opposite of them and who might even oppose them. Talk about an awkward moment, I'm glad I'm not apart of it ;)  Hopefully both groups of people will be too wasted to realize who's there...  Oh well, at least I didn't send them to someone's grandmother's house at 1 AM, cuz that is always an awkward moment... not that I would know... (where's that sarcasm font?!?!?)

        J misses Dennis Miller

 
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