This is my first College questionnaire, and frankly I'm glad it's one of the most recent ones. It take just too long to fill these out, and it takes longer to search through 3 years of old E-mails to find all of them to post to this website too... anyways.... Now I am positive I reused some answers in this E-mail because it was being sent to many of my new college friends who hadn't read the olds ones so they would never know any better. I also went on a rant early into this letter, you might read it, its a very interesting take on life...
Feb 01
Hey
again! It’s been 7 months since I did one of these so I think its about time
to start again. Of course I have
to say that you shouldn’t take my word for any of these answers, I love to
joke with them and am hardly serious with them. So just read this for fun!
….
after I finished this and reread it, I realized that a lot of the time I
wasn’t as funny as I have been in previous letters, and that many of my
answer were quite serious. I’m sorry I failed you people in this respect...
but oh well, there are still some good ones out there!!!
(if you already took this last comment seriously then you shouldn’t
even be reading this, because you don’t know me as well as you think you do)
Full
Name: Jay
Patrick Epperhart
*Birthday: December
16, 1981
HAVE YOU EVER...
*Had sex- hmmm,
I refuse to disclose that answer…
hehe, only 3 questions into the survey and I am already going into a
rant. Anyways, I have discovered
that by withholding the answer to that question you can basically tell what
kind of person the person asking it is. It’s one of those psychological
answers
that
give you insight into the other persons mind. For example, some people when
hearing that answer will automatically assume that I am a virgin. If they
think that, then that means they put a lot of emphasis on sex, and they think
it’s a status of adulthood or maturity. Most of the time, these people
cannot truly love someone because of these beliefs.
Next, other people may automatically believe that I am not a virgin.
These people are usually the more religious types, and they believe I have
done something wrong and am feeling guilty for my deeds so I refuse to admit
it to them. No doubtable, there
are other types of people out there too, but from my experience I have noticed
that most people usually fall in one of those two categories.
Now think to yourself, what was your first thought about me when you
read my answer? Did you think I was or wasn’t a virgin?
Either way you are probably in one of those categories. If not, then I
guess I am wrong, but so far my assumptions have been 100% correct when people
ask me that question and I give them that answer. If you really really must
know whether or not I have “done the deed” then feel free to pry it out of
me in real life conversation. It will be hard to get, but the answer will
probably surprise you (unless I have pegged you all wrong, but I pretty much
have my guess of what all of you think my “virgin” status is, or unless I
have dated you and you cajoled it out of me).
Anyways, on to the next question…
*Been
in love- well
yes, but we have gone our separate ways, which I regret now (hindsight is
always 100% correct)
*Had
an online romance-well
I talked to my girlfriend online, nothing more than that (and we still talk
too J
*Left the country- I
keep on trying to mail myself, but always get returned!!!
Okay, no I haven’t
*Been
so drunk u blacked out- If
only I could remember…. Haha,
nope
*Taken any illegal substances- well
I have had wine, and being under 21 that would be illegal. Other than that,
nope.
*Gone out in public in your
pajamas-welcome
to 8:00 classes
*Considered your best friends Ben
& Jerry-until
they kept trying to get me fat
*Gone out with your best friends
crush-
gee, “crush” sounds so 8th grader…
nah, most of the time if one of my friends goes out with a girl, they
end up starting to date, and then its all off limits forever.
*Missed school b/c it was
raining- surprisingly
they called off school in 2nd grade because it rained so much that
the entire school was flooded.
*Set any body part on fire for
amusement- nope,
but my chemistry teacher did (to me)
*Cheated on a B/f or G/f- no
way, g/f’s are actually quite precious to me, I hate to lose them,
especially due to a stupid mistake on my part, like that
*Kept a secret from everyone-I’ll
never tell you the answer to that!!! (ah,
the irony)
*Actually
thrown shoes onto a phone wire- you
mean that’s illegal!?!?!?!
*Had an imaginary friend- well,
I did “direct” my own imaginary movies as child, so I guess that is a yes
*Hooked up with someone you
didn't know very well?
Well we all have made our mistakes… Some of us choose not to repeat them
*Wanted to hook up with a friend- most
of the time my g/f’s were friends first
*Cried during a Chick Flick- I’ll
never admit to it, you probably would have to ask one of my girlfriends
*Had a crush on a teacher- gee,
yea, like in 6th grade (she was only 22!!) But didn’t we all?
*Done something stupid to impress
your crush-
haha, don’t you know it!! Heck I do stupid things even when I am not trying
to impress them!!
*What was it- I
have neither the time nor the memory to list them
*Found a cartoon character
attractive- yea,
then I woke up and realized what an idiot I was
*Ever at anytime owned a New Kids
on the Block tape- I didn’t
have any money to spend back then
*Called
or seen a psychic- I
am reading your thoughts right now!!!
*Streaked, Skinny Dipped- only
when my bathing suit fell off by accident
*Planned your week based on the
TV Guide- yea,
when I actually had free time (meaning a long time ago)
*Prank
called someone- ah
yes, my junior high years, what fond memories
* Been kissed- oh
yea!
*Been on stage?- As
a band member and church plays
*Gotten in a car accident?! Not
one that was my fault
Hiked
a mountain- tons
of them, I love it
*Death Valley on horseback- um…
sounds a little too hot
*Stayed home- you
never realize what you miss until you live in a dorm
*Made homemade fudge?
What are sisters for?
*Seen
the Eiffel tower?- in
a picture here and there
FAVORITES...
*Shampoo: gee,
I don’t know, they are all just fine for me (frankly it doesn’t matter to
me)
*Soap- for
crying out loud, this is starting to get a little too personal….hehe yea
right
*Colors-blue
(plus any cool colors, artistically speaking)
*Day/Night:
they
start meshing together where I can’t even tell what is what
* Band: wow,
that’s a hard one, personally I prefer songs over band, I mean any band can
make a great song, but that doesn’t mean every song of their will be
awesome. If I like the song I’ll get the CD, other than that its all open.
*Type(s) of music- pretty
much everything except rap and country
*Commercial-I
ignore them
*Online
Smiley- ?
*Coffee or hot chocolate-Hot
chocolate!
*Cold or hot- I’d
rather to be cold because its easier to warm up than cool off.
*Big or little- I
just went through that for KKY, I have 2 big bro’s and a big sis now!
*Lace or satin- oh
boy... um, I’ll tell you which one I prefer if it ever gets to that point in
a relationship…
*Here or there: my
mind is at neither place
*Teeny or Weeny: redundant
(thank you Kalyn)
*Red or blue- blue
*New or old: a
little bit of both.
*Neve Campbell or Jennifer Love
Hewitt-
you mean there’s a difference?
*Tom
Cruise or Brad Pitt-
yea right, like I care about guy celebrities, bring on the chicks!
*Old Madonna or New Madonna?- I
like the old Madonna (the one holding the baby in all those pictures by that
Ninja Turtle dude Micha-something.. )
*Character on Saved By the Bell- Kelly!!
Once again, I love those Junior High years
*Character on 90210- um,
that guy who lives near the creek, Dog-son or something like that
*Character on the Brady Bunch- Marsha
Marsha Marsha! Ok, I’ve never even seen the show
*Soap Opera:
I try to spare my sanity and not watch these
*Wrestler- read
above
*Song to sing in the shower- dang
it, I have suite mates now who can hear me so I refrain from doing any such
things
*Person of Opposite Sex to Chill
With- hmmm,
as a singular person I would have to say Kalyn, but as a group I’d have to
say the Art Trio (you know who you are)
*Cartoon Character- San
(Mononoke)… if you don’t know who that is then don’t worry, but she was
voiced by Claire Danes, who you should know
*Villain- Sephiroth
was one bad dude
*Do you have a
boyfriend/girlfriend- I
have many friends of the opposite sex, but none of which I am dating per se
*Do you have a best friend: sure
*Do you rank your speed dial in
order of favorites-phones
outrank my intelligence (I can figure out derivatives and computer code like
no one else, but you ask me to forward a call and I’m lost)
* Who's your funniest friend- the
original art fiends of my Sophomore year, there were the funniest bunch of
seniors ever to befriend an “innocent” sophomore. My life (and mind) has
never been the same since.
*Who have you known the longest
of your friends- Jeremy
*Who's the loudest: no
one stands out in my mind as being the loudest
*Who's the shyest: Kalyn
sure was shy until I got to know her
*Whose parents do you know the
best- I
know Jimmy’s mom quite well, I’ve had a few classes with her
*Who do you go to for advice-it
depends on what the subject is.
*Who knows all your secrets- NO
ONE!!! Haha!! You just think you know everything about me! Gwa-haha… Again,
I like Kalyn’s answer, if you knew everything about me then you’d have
power over me, and we can’t have that.
*Who do you get the most surveys
from- well,
mostly those freshm... er, sophomore chicks because one of them sends it to
each other and then they all send it to me (plus others, but still I end up
getting it more than once)
*Who are you jealous of- if
I said who I was jealous of it would give a lot of things away that doesn’t
need to be known yet (hint, I *might*
be jealous of someone’s boyfriend just because of who they are dating…)
then again, you may or may not know who this is I’m talking about so I guess
it wouldn’t matter (some of you do know, others don’t)… gee I love being
cryptic
*Who do you cry with- probably
my (ex) girlfriend, I think she was the last one I was with when I cried…
*Cried-
don’t
honestly know, maybe a sad movie or a romantic moment with someone special
*Eaten fluff- I
choose not to eat pillows
*Helped someone- I
love to, in fact I do it all the time, that’s one
of my joys in life I guess
*Cut your hair- I
shave… actually its been too long since I have, I need one done soon, just
don’t have the time
*Worn
a skirt- um…
nevermind
*Worn
a tie- last
week for a frat thingy
*Been
mean- I
think my meanness overlaps my friendliness, usually if I am being mean its
because we are having fun and its one of those “jokingly” mean things.
*Been sarcastic- me
sarcastic? Ha, yea right!
*Gone for a run- hehe,
ran home at 6 AM last week just to scare my parents (that’s a 2.5 mile run
from the dorm, you can bet they were surprised when I showed up for breakfast)
*Gone for a walk- whenever
I go to class! Other than that,
the last time I went for a walk for the sake of walking was during the ice
storm, it was a pretty sight outside.
*Gone to the movies- whenever
I can bum the car from the parents
*Gone out for dinner: it’s
been a while, unless you count the Caddo
*Felt stupid- ha,
well gee.. how about 3 minutes ago, maybe 4
*Said "I love you"- last
time I said it I meant it, and that was a while ago (I guess some things just
don’t work out)
*Written a letter- you
mean other than typing? Well… I had to write a bunch of thank you cards for
Christmas pretty recently
*Written a paper- some
paper over Ishmael that still boggles my mind
*Taken a test-
have a couple on Monday which I *should*
study for, but...
*Met someone new- almost
everyday
*Written in a journal-
I use to when it was required for a class, and every now and the I read it,
and boy it is funny… plus that’s what this is really. In the last 4 years
I have written maybe 5 or 6 of these “tell all” E-mails, and when you go
back and read them it is really fascinating, I highly recommend it.
* Watched your favorite movie- my
favorite changes a lot so I really can’t answer that
*Talked to someone you have a
crush on-
haha, another “8th grade” term… well, in actuality I talk to
this person (or persons) quite often, but then again, I talk to all of you
quite often, so its not really giving anything away
*Given someone a present-
let’s see, just today in fact, I ordered a CD for someone just because I
knew they’d like it and for no other reason than that
*Had a serious talk- I
have serious talks as in “not funny but informative” every now and then,
but as for serious as in one of those “getting to know you, boyfriend
girlfriend” talks, its been a little too long, and I am starting to miss
them (possibly my fault for never bring them up, always being the funny guy)
*Missed someone- still
do, and always will
*Hugged someone-
today, in fact multiple times (different people though), but that’s really
only because I went back to my old HS for the first time in a LONG time. And
done of my teachers basically, forced me to hug them (let’s just say she
wasn’t my “favorite” teacher in the world, but she doesn’t know that)
*Had a nightmare- I
actually enjoy them, it takes a lot to scare me now a days
*Fought with your parents- let’s
see, when was the last time I was home again?
*Fought with a friend- well,
there are those “play” fights, but nothing serious in a long time
*Been Scared- other
than the times I think about the future and stuff, I haven’t been scared in
a while
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I...
*Wished upon a star- don’t
do it too often, but I step on crickets who do
*Laughed until you cried- well,
I have a tally on how many times I have caused someone to laugh til they cry,
and its almost hitting the triple digits now J
*Helped a stranger- I
open doors and other boy scout things, plus I guess you could call my help
desk job helping out strangers, because I don’t know most of the people who
call
*Played Truth or Dare- ooh
ooh, I want to play!!! Well, I
think I played at a Christmas party a year ago
*Watched a sunrise/sunset- whenever
I jog in the morning. I once purposely got up early during vacation (gasp!!!)
just to watch the sun come up over the ocean, because that’s a rarity for me.
*Spent quality time alone: well
a lot of my friends leave for the weekends, so its either spend it alone or
with the family… hmmm… still debating that one
*Read a book for fun- ha!
*Kissed someone u didn't like- wow,
I honestly don’t remember…might have been during those horrifying
“mistletoe” parties during my junior high years. Usually
if I kiss them it means I like them
*Kept a secret told to you: I
know something you don’t…
*Hung
out with someone u hated- if
I hate them would I hang out with them?
*Told someone you hated them- nope,
I don’t want people doing it to me so I return the favor
*Did u mean it- everyone
I’ve “hated” has made amends… or mysteriously dies
J
*Lied to sound good- sound good? Heck,
if I’m lying I know I won’t sound good and my voice will give it away!
*Ditched a friend for a guy/girl-
love
can make you do crazy things you learn to regret
*Showered- today!
*Ate a meal- I
try to eat 6 square meals a day
*What are you wearing right now?
I’m on the computer so of course that means I’m naked!
Ha, sorry, didn’t mean to give you that picture. Actually just jeans
and a shirt, nothing spectacular
*Are you lonely- I
can be sometimes, especially on the weekends, but I know I will always have
friends so I try not to become lonely
*Are you happy- in
many ways yes, but of course I could be happier, then again, I could be
sadder, so it evens out
*Are you wearing pajamas- yea,
my lucky ninja turtle ones… wait, I mean, No…..
*Are you hungry:
just finished meal number 6
*Are you eating: not
now, I’m pretty full
*Are you talking to someone
online:
nope, which is a first
*Are you ready for this survey to
end- please!!
I must get out and be social!! (oh wait, everyone is gone, nevermind)
*How long did this survey take
you- too
long!!
DO I BELIEVE IN...
*God/Devil: oh
yea!
*Yourself: I
try to, and succeed many times, but of course we all get depressed sometimes
*Your friends: yea,
because we all need that boost in confidence sometimes
*Aliens: only
my sister
*Love: yea,
its had me by a death grip, I think I better believe in it
*Love at first sight: I’m
sure it can happen, but sometimes its hard to distinguish between love and
lust
*Destiny:
I think we all have a place we’ll end up, but its up to us to get there
*The Closet Monster:
if he’s there, its only because he started growing there when I forgot to
clean
*Genetic Engineering- doesn’t
this actually exist?
*One person for everyone: of
course
*Psychic powers- well
not the ones on TV…
*The Big Bang Theory: nah,
I have faith in another way
*Government
Conspiracies: if
I say yes, then “They’ll” know that I am on to “them”
*That squirrels are evil- oh
I am positive, they threw pecans at my and my dog all the time
*That the end of the world is
coming: yea,
a telepathic gorilla told me this one
*In
Heaven/Hell: oh
yea
*Outer body experiences: hmmm....don't
think so
*Superstitions: no
WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT...
*Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck: Haven’t
you ever watched those cartoons? Bugs always wins!
*Julia Roberts/Cameron Diaz: forget
about who would win, I just want to watch the fight!
*Joey/Chandler/Ross: heck,
I’d take them all on if I could stay in the same room as those other 3 girls
*Monica/Phoebe/Rachel: hmmm,
I’d have to say Rachel (of course I’ still like to watch the fight)
*Michael Myers/Jason: Jason
could always beat Austin Powers… wait a second, you mean Michael Myers from
“Halloween”. Well, Jason
because he’s been in 10 movies as compared to the 8 Halloweens.
*Jackie Chan/Mini Me: This
really isn’t a fight is it? More like an opening kickoff at a football game
*Rosanne/Rosie O'Donnell:
um…
I think I will skip this one (some fights not even I want to watch)
*Tom Green/Howard Stern: I
would want Tom to win, but I’d know he would lose. Why you ask? He’s
Canadian.
Ha, okay its more of an inside joke, but recently a list of the
world’s 100 most dangerous men was released. Each man had a 3-4 sentence
paragraph describing why they are so dangerous. All of them had this paragraph
except Tom, all it said under his name was “He’s Canadian”
*Richard Simmons/Dr. Evil: Stop
the insanity!!
*Adam
Sandler as the Waterboy/Happy Gilmore: hmmm,
I’d say Waterboy
*Rain/Shine:
I
never saw Rain, but Shine was about a piano dude so I’d say he would win
J
*Hurricane/Tornado: hasn’t
anyone seen twister around here? I mean if hurricanes are so bad then why
haven’t they made a movie about them yet? They aren’t natural disasters
until Hollywood makes them one.
*Drunk/High: If
a drunk person and a high person got in a fight then they’d probably
accidentally knock themselves out/kill themselves first before they even hit
each other (we call that “Thursday nights” in college)
*Blond/Brunette: another
fun fight to watch, but I’d have to go with the blond (I don’t know why,
but it just seems right. Some of you are blond, and others are Brunette, you
prove me wrong J
* Here/Anywhere else in the
world: ummm…
almost anywhere
*Real World/Road Rules: Last
I checked, Real World was winning
*Luke Skywalker/Han Solo: Haha,
well let’s compare their later movie careers… Harrison Ford or… um…
Mark something… well you get the idea
*Darth Vadar/Darth Maul: I
never saw James Earl Jones do a back flip, it would have to be Maul.
*Jar Jar Binks/A rock: too
close to call
*Nowhere to run/Nowhere to hide: I’d
rather not be able to hide than run, because if you can run then at least you
can almost get away
*Die by Fire/Water: How
about an underwater explosion J
Fire would be quicker
*Drink the spit of 500
people/Roll around in glass naked in front of them? – the
second one seems more natural than the first, plus you might get hooked up
afterwards (girls just love naked people rolling in the grass…. At least
that’s what I was told)
RANDOM QUESTIONS...
*A wishing well can grant you one
virtue (luck, love, intelligence) for the rest of your life...which do
you choose: I’d
say luck, because with luck you never know what will come next, it will always
be a surprise and always will be thrilling.
Plus, you can’t get luck any other way. You can usually find love on
your own. And intelligence is only helpful if you use it correctly, plus some
people can become intelligent just by living and learning.
Luck is the only thing you can’t actually earn, it just happens.
*If you knew the world was going
to end in 10 minutes, would you kill yourself: ???- I’m
sure I’d do everything I have been putting off for so long.
Or I could always give the “romantic” answer and say I would find
the one person I truly care about and live my last few minutes with her
(okay all together now, say “ahhhhhhhhh...” in a girlish-impressed
voice)
*If
you had only 2 days to live, what would you do-
I would do those things that are “death defying” because
what do you have to lose? Bungee jump, Sky Dive, all those fun things.
Then I’d the same thing I said previously.
*If you were stranded on a
deserted island, what 3 items would you want to
be stranded with- hmmm…
a boat, a map, and a motor… okay seriously: a pocket knife, a really long
book (or a survival book), and a picture of loved ones
*If you were stranded on a
deserted island, who would you want to be deserted with? Tom
Hanks, because he’d build a boat and get me off (but does it really have to
take him 4 years?)… either him or the Professor from Gilligan’s Island,
because he knows how to make a radio from Coconuts and condominiums from
leaves (didn’t you watch the show?!?).
If you want a serious answer, then it would be a certain girl who will
remain nameless.
*Do
you believe in horoscopes? I
listen to them, doesn’t mean I live by them or even believe them. Honestly,
I don’t like the idea that I am not in control of my own life.
*If you could use genetic
engineering to create the perfect man/woman, what
would they be like- I
couldn’t have the perfect woman. If she were perfect, then I would feel bad
around her because I know I am not perfect (plus I’d always lose every
argument because she could never be wrong).
Now if I were to build the “perfect woman for me” then I would
really have to think about that one. I
know what I like, and I know what I dislike, but I also like variety and
surprises. So basically what I am
saying is that I don’t know, I’ll let nature build her for me and be
happy.
*You
approach a cave w/ 2 entrances. One has a sign that says "This
path is long and dangerous, but will lead you to eternal happiness.
The other states "This path is short and simple, but the outcome
is unsure. No guarantees can be made by taking this path.” The path
that I choose will be- I
feel that you have to earn whatever outcome you want, it wouldn’t be worth
it if you didn’t work for it. Therefore I say the dangerous one.
Plus I would like the thrill.
* If you could live in any
decade, which would you choose and why: I
would like to live in the 80’s as a teenager because they had so much fun.
All these movies like Ferris Bueller and Breakfast Club make me wish I could
have been a little older back then.
*What's the worst way for a
person to die: with
regrets. Alright, for
a less philosophical answer: Well, I can think of tons of bad ways that seem
implausible, but I guess the worst way would be to know that you are going to
die in a short time and there is nothing you can to do to stop it (i.e. your
oxygen is going to run out in while in space; your boat is sinking in the
middle of the ocean and you can’t get out; you end up trapped down a ice
cavern and can’t climb out, etc.)
*If you won a million dollars,
what would you do with it- pay
someone to write a survey like this for me next time because this took too
freakin’ long.
========
Dang,
that took a while. Of course I have to say that this was so long that I
couldn’t even finish it in one day, so any answers that say “Today”
probably mean Friday. If you have
been offended by any of my answers and just want to slap me or curse at me,
then write me at Method2880@aol.com.
Actually,
this guy has no
idea who I am or where I live, so I’m sure he will be happy that he’s
getting “E-mail curses” for me, so write away! Finally
I should tell you that I am planning on putting together a collection of all
these survey’s I have ever written together, because like I said they are
good journals and are enjoyable to read. Plus they are really funny! If you
want one of these then write back to me and I’ll send them to you. I think
they go all the way back to ’97, but I don’t remember, there shouldn’t
be that many since I usually don’t reply to these things anyways.
More than likely that will be longer than most of you have even known
me so you might want them just to laugh at the “early high school” jay.
Well, that’s it for now, I think I’ve wasted enough of my (and
your) time for the next 7 months. So
until then, live happily!
Jay
E.
Jay’s
Quote of the moment:
"Death
is just is just Nature’s way of saying ‘You need to slow down’”-Michael
Denis (Hospital Director)
