I was way behind on this questionnaire. Normally, I try to send one every year but it had been 20 months since my last one. Of course my last questionnaire was considered my "ultimate questionnaire" so I had to top it this time. I tried re-answering every question, but in the end that took too long and I gave up half way though the job. Other than the base questions, not many of my sarcastic answers changed much over the 20 months that passed, so I ended up keeping most of them the same. And to make matters worse, since my e-mail was so large half of my friends didn't receive it because the server's though it was junk or spam mail. Damn those filters... Now I have to figure out what I am going to do for my next questionnaire, just to top this one.
Hey everyone, long time no see.
Well I’m
usually not this far behind when it comes to writing letters, but in case you
haven’t noticed it’s been nearly two years since I wrote a large letter to
everyone.
Yea, I know, you would rather me send have a personal letter straight from me
instead of these “mass e-mails” I try to send each year.
And you know what? I would much rather write a letter for each of you.
But due to time constraints and my overwhelming desire to remain sane for the
rest of the year, this is the best I can do for now
J
For those of you who look at this and think “God, that’s too much to read”, well, you’re right. It’s way too much to read! If you want, you can read it like a book and just read different paragraphs each night before you go to bed. Or you can read the first couple paragraphs (the essentials) and then skip to the bottom and read the really stupid questions and laugh. In the end, how will I ever know whether you read it or not? Heck, you could delete this puppy now and there’s nothing I could do about it (except haunt your dreams for the rest of your life, gwa-hahaahhah!!!!). And in the end, this is only sent for your entertainment and my personal records. I write some mordant answers throughout the questionnaire some of which you are bound to get a kick out of, and when I’m finished I have an e-mail which accurately portrays of how much of a fool I am. Thus I can save it and put it in the files with the other questionnaires I’ve written over the past few years. Now I have documentation which shows my slow devolution into mental retardation (Algernon, here I come!!).
Of course, I don’t expect anyone to go to the trouble of filling this out and sending back to me. I never seem to, so I shouldn’t expect you to either. But if you feel like sending me an e-mail just to say “hi” or “stop e-mailing you freak” I will try my hardest to get back to you ASAP. If I don’t hear from you, I hope everything is going well and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you are doing!
Finally, make sure you go to my comic webpage too. I could ignore this entire e-mail and go to my website just once and I would die a happy man. But I’ll die happier if you read this e-mail AND go to the website…. And don’t forget to sign the guestbook on the left!! Plus, you might know some of the other people who write for the website too, and it’s always good to keep in touch with old friends/fiends. And if you actually have some morbid curiosity about what’s going on in my life then you could always read my journal on there too…
And without further ado, my way-too-long questionnaire
Full Name:
Jay Patrick Epperhart
Birthday: 12-16-81
Height: 5 11"
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: short brown
Nicknames:
Sparky(?) that art guy,
chocobomog, wolf-bro, hey jay,
Hometown: Arkadelphia, AR
Birthplace: Paris, TX
Aol
screen name:
Wolf Bro
MSN Messenger:
Dark Wolf Bro (who stole my nick?)
ICQ Number: 14166884
Webpage:
http://www.hsu.edu/faculty/epperj/
http://rrants.hsu.edu
Go there and sign the guestbook!
Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Didn’t you get the pictures?
Favorite color(s) -blue, aqua
Best online friend(s) – I seldom talk anymore, but online friends are my dorm friends when they live at home
One pillow or two? – Two, plus any animal that makes the mistake of being on my bed when I go to bed (except porcupines)
Favorite
Movie(s)
– Changes all the time: current favs include
Boondock Saints, Equilibrium,
Princess Mononoke
Favorite TV show? Curb your
Enthusiasm, The Shield, Six Feet Under, 24
Favorite Book: -DaVinci Code
Favorite Type of Music: -Orchestrated with maybe bits of Techno
Hobbies: -drawing, playing piano, creating entertaining webpages, talking to friends, playing LAN games
Dream Car: - One that can morph into other vehicles like a jet or boat, or KITT
Type of car you drive now: -White 1994 Civic hatchback
The word or phrase you hate: “Your sister is hot!”
Funniest thing
you have ever heard?
– Funniest? Eh, don’t
know off of the top of my head. Maybe when I gave Juan that hot sauce and he
drank sour milk to ease the pain…
Word or phrase you say too
much? "Sweet” “Sit down please, okay you
can go, next!” (lifeguarding
a water slide) “One to a tube please” *whistle
blow*
If you could kill any one person and get away with it, then who would it be? Why should I say? So you can get more bodyguards? Oh I am on to your little game…
Toothpaste: - Listerine
Piercing or tattoos? –I’ve had the same earring since I was 15. Why does everyone say “Oh you just got your ear pierced, that’s cool”? People have short-term memories
Shoe Size: -9 1/2
Do you get along with your parents? – I work two jobs and live in the dorm during the schoolyear, so I never see them to get along with them
Do you get along with your sibling(s)? -In the few days I see her a year, sure
Favorite Ice cream: -New York Super Fudge Chunk: the quickest way to gain weight.
What's your bed time: - Right when the suns starts to peak on the horizon each morning…
Adidas, Nike, or Reebok? –Heck if I know, if people really care what type of shoes I wear then I must still be in junior high
Favorite Sport to watch: - Football is fun to watch, and so is women’s mud wrestling.
Most humiliating moment: Good night, my entire life has been a humiliating moment, I can’t think of just one thing
Best moment you ever had: - Any of the times I spent the night laughing with my friends
Boyfriend\Girlfriend? – I ranted about this on my site, but to recap, I haven’t found the right girl for me yet.
Thing you hate about girlfriend\boyfriend: - We all have our little quirks that we like and dislike right? No reason to dwell on them. Of course to go with the current theme I would say if I hate anything it’s the fact my current girlfriend is so transparent… in fact you could say she was non-existent!
Craziest person or silliest you know: - I think all of us are little goofballs in our own ways. But the worst ones were the art gang from my 10th grade year. They corrupted me with their jokes and stories and made me the person I am today (so blame them)
Favorite Holiday: - Christmas, plus we got off for a full month, what’s not to love!
Gotten beat up: - When I was in a kenpo class this seemed to be a nightly event, and yet all those shots to the head never seemed to hurt anying..loong..turm….wher am i?
Any identifying marks? Are you trying to turn me to the cops or something? Well I’m on to your little game, you’ll never catch me, coppers!
Done anything crazy lately? Tried to take over the world… well that, and I’ve done some very interesting things while going racing down some waterslides. I’m still the undefeated “king of the slide” champ.
The one thing no one knows about you? And if I tell you then suddenly everyone knows, no we aren’t going to play that game.
The Future......
School: -Henderson as long as it stays free, then off to grad school in good ole California!
What do you want to be? -Computer Animator (this answer has yet to change over the past 7 questionnaires I’ve done through the years)
Who do you want to marry, if you could pick them out now? –er….um… I don’t like picking favorites. Either that, or I am trying to find an excuse not to tell which girl I think is perfect (for me). You figure it out.
Place to live: -California, sooner or later
Number of Kids: -2, one of each.. boy comes first. This is MANDATORY! ;)
Names of Kids: -Don't know...probably Jayme and Trey (got to have them rhyme with Jay or have it in their name, you know)
Do You Believe In....
Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny? – Just how else do I get stuff during the holidays? Just tell me that!
Love at first sight? –yes, I think it’s possible. Not sure if I’ve even been affected by it, but I would like to think so.
God? –his necessity is becoming more and more apparent
Horoscopes? –Not really, but on those really paranoid/superstitious days (like before tests) I’ll check them for the heck of it
Ghosts? -You bet, why else would we have the Ghostbusters?
Heaven? -Yes
Hell? -Yes, AKA my 9th grade English class
Which Is Better...
Coke or Pepsi?
-I'd have to say Coke since you can make deadlier
weapons with it than you can with Pepsi
Oranges or apples? -Apples, they make bigger bruises when thrown across the Caddo, but I prefer Orange Juice over Apple Juice :)
Deaf or blind? –I would rather be deaf, because I always have music playing in my head. I would rather see and not hear than vice versa.
Pools or hot tubs? – Pools for crazy fun, hot tubs to relax in. Throw in a few cute gal friends of mine and it’s all good.
Blondes or brunettes(guys/girls)? – I’ve always been attracted to blondes for some reason.
T.V. or radio? -TV!
About The Opposite Sex.......
Honestly, what do you notice first? -The hand as it comes slapping across my face... Actually truthfully, I notice how good they look first (including weight and complexion), then the um..."attributes" (hey I'm a guy, whattya expect?) But that's not what I judge them on, I like people for their personalities, the other stuff is just icing on the cake (except for some occasions, but with those girls you have to like them for their bodies, I mean just look at ‘em they’re gorgeous!!!! Except those girls are the ones I would never want to spend my life with. They usually have nothing more to them than their looks) Some answers never change.
Must-have personality trait: -Loves to talk, respectful, trustworthy
Must-not-have personality trait: -Psychotic tendencies (that’s my area) actually, they shouldn't be a heartbreaker or too “bossy” (that’s my sister’s area)
Hair-long or short? –Long hair is beautiful but is can be a choke hazard when it when it’s time to snuggle. As long as they don’t have hair shorter than me, then I’m happy
Eye Color? -Deep Blue… Or green. Or have cat eyes. Wait, scratch that last one
Thing you hate most about them? – They are easy to fall for, yet so hard to get over. And sometimes you don’t want to get over them, but it’s for the best…
Thing you like most about them? – They can change your life in a single move. They can turn the worst day into the best just by being there to hug, or stroke your back. How just the little things can make you so happy that you forget all about your worries and stresses. I could write a book on this question.
Have you ever truly been in love? - Yes, and the feelings still exist even though we have parted our ways…
Do they know about this Love? -Maybe, maybe not. Either way it’s probably too late to fix now.
When Was The Last Time You…
Took a shower? – I took a bath today, which is the first time in ages. I take showers every day though.
Watched Bambi? – A very long time ago. On an unrelated note, anyone else have a hankering for some venison? I just saw a deer decapitated by an 18 wheeler on the way to work. That’s an image that won’t leave me for a while.
Cried? – When my dog came back
Made out with Somebody? At the beginning of summer and with a good friend. But making out under the wrong circumstances is more trouble than its worth so I try not to do it anymore.
HAD SEX? -*gasp* Haven’t I ranted about this yet? Oh well, I will further down in the letter.
Been Drunk? - It’s been quite a few months, and I can still count the total times I’ve been drunk in my life on one hand. Unfortunately, the pictures from one of said events still haunt me today.
What Is....
Your favorite number? -21, 76, 84, 512
Your most prized and important possession? – My computer has my entire life on it. And my self-made piano books are quite dear to me too…
The worst song you've ever heard? – For the love of God, give Macy Gray a throat lozenge, her voice kills small animals.
Most embarrassing CD in your collection? – The Simpons Sing the Blues?!? What the hell was I thinking?
Your bedroom
looks like?
– small and cramped but clean. All I do is work on
the computer and sleep.
Your favorite thing for
breakfast? –I prefer sleep
Your favorite thing for lunch? -pizza
The best thing
that happened to you today?
– Reading an e-mail a new friend sent me, it just brightened up my day
The best song you ever
heard?
-Thanksgiving by George Winston
Death and thereafter...
How do you want to die? – in a heroic manner with lots of explosions and cameras. And with a chinchilla. Gotta have a chinchilla.
How do you want to be remembered? – the heroic guy who died with explosions and on camera. And with a chinchilla. Gotta have a chinchilla
Your last words? "Why do I have a chinchilla?”
Were you named
after anyone?
yeah, the letter!
Middle name: Patrick
Age: 21
Birthplace: Paris!!!..................TX
Location: Arkadelphia Arkansas
Height: 5'12 (I’ve
grown since I last answered this question)
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?
you bet
What's his/her name: Like I’m
going to give it away here?!? Everyone bugs me
enough about it as it is, you really think I’m
gonna give in now? Okay I will….
It’s you! Or not…
Favorite perfume for girls: that
one I always smelled when that one girl was around
Favorite cologne for
guys: I don’t like smelling men. Personally, I wear
something fancy that cost too much.
What languages do you speak?
no hablo
ingleses
What do you look for in a friend? can
take a joke! Trustworthy. Has at least
1 thing in common with me (being alive works)
What do you
look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend? trust,
personality, looks, fun, smart, that other kind of personality (the
jigglin kind), past experiences in boys (non-slutty)
What's
your favorite place to vacation? Paris, or
someplace tropical
If you are a girl, what makeup do you wear every day? Whatever makeup they wear usually ends up on my shirt
More Random Questions
What is your religion? Baptist
Have you ever met any celebrities?
every time I look in the mirror... seriously, yes I
have met some
If yes, who:
wish I could name them, some of those guys in that
popular movie/ TV show
If no, what kind of question is this? a
redundant one
Do
u go to a private or public school? I’m free from that mess!!
But I do go to a State University.
What s your favorite
day of the week?
Friday and Saturday and everything in-between
Do you go to
summer camp? when I was younger
If so, where?
Pine Cove and church camps at Hardin Simmons University and Siloam Springs
What is your
favorite color(s)?
Blue
Do you want to get married?
Eventually, it’s a goal in my life
What's
something you do that ticks off your friends? When I kick them in
the nuts
What is your favorite music video? that one where all those women dance and bounce their personality, works best when muted
Do you have any
stuffed animals?
Not as many as I used to. I also have live animals
who sleep so much that they appear to be stuffed
Chocolates or flowers: Chocolate
tastes better, not as many thorns
Vanilla or chocolate: Flowers
Guys
or girls: Girls
Tommy Hilfiger or Ralph Lauren:
the one with the cool clothes
I Know What You Did Last Summer or Scream:
there's a difference? They’re
both about funky dressed men chasing big breasted women with knives,
kinda like a frat house
Taken or single: Single yet mostly content
Sugar or salt: sugar for the most part, but I still get mixed up early in the morning and pour the wrong one on my breakfast. (salty cheerios, sugary scrambled eggs)
Silver or gold:
Gold
Gym or lunch: I
usually end up seeing my lunch in Gym
The Last of the
Random Questions (or so you think)
Ever been to
England? Went
there this past spring break. Lots of fun!
Mind the gap.
Where do you want to go on your honeymoon?
Some place exotic!
What do you think of the song "Pretty Fly for a White Guy": wow, that was, like, cool my junior year in HS.
Are you a vegetarian? no, but I am a humanitarian *evil grin* Plus our “vegetables” in Caddo smell of meat or mold.
Know anyone who
is?
yes, and I know some vegetables too,
gonna ask about them too? We really should get
both sides of the story
If you could move anywhere in the world,
where would you move? Paris, or some place that is remote but
beautiful and peaceful, like the alps, or Las Vegas
Do you want to join a sorority or frat?
Already have. Once a Sinfonian always a
Sinfonian
What are you doing tomorrow? Sleeping
in my car, saving kid’s lives, talking to friends (and a cute girl too), and
then finishing this questionnaire.
What is the most romantic present a guy/girl could ever get you? A gift that they made or put emotional thought into. Store-bought stuff is nice, but I want feelings in my gifts.
What time is it right now? 12:33 PM August 1, 2003
What do u think of the person that sent you this? Well I can’t remember who all sent me each one of these, but I am sure they are all cool. Or evil. Or both
If they are the
opposite sex-are they hot, cute or ugly?
cute yet taken, as always
If you didn't
have a guy/girl, would u hook up with the person that sent you this e-mail?
Hook up with six different girls? You bet I would!
Didn't this seem like it took forever? Oh, it’s not even close to being over
ALL ABOUT YOUR
FAVORITES
Movie: deja
vu
Drink: Root
beer
Singers:
ack, not too many I enjoy... I just like the
songs, not the singers
Season:
Summer
Memory: the
peaceful moments in the mountains or in
Europe.
Or those nights spent romantically with my
girlfriend(s)
Actor: ack, too many to list. I like the underground actors you don’t see as much. Bruce Campbell, Ron Livingston, Jeff Goldblum
Actress: Hehe,
I probably like them for other reasons than their acting..
Conversation Topic:
Controversial ones
Sound:
a cool slow rain in the background while I’m
playing my Pachelbel arrangement
Smell: warm summer evening
rain on cold St. Augustine grass
ALL ABOUT YOUR
FRIENDS
Shyest friend: I
don’t know her as well as others yet, but right now
Kirby is usually pretty quiet…
Friend you trust the most: my
Texas friends, a few in the dorm
Friend who looks out for you the most: eh, not sure. I’m pretty self-sufficient
Friend you look
out for:
mostly the younger ones who don’t realize how evil
and conniving the rest of the world is
Friend that understands you the most: John
and Jeremy
Friend that is the most fun:
when everyone is together it’s the best time ever.
We are all like, um, Power Rangers. Alone we are fairly
fun, but when our powers combine….
Friend you can count on: all of
them! (now write me a rant!)
Friend you love to
hate: all my competitors in whatever I do
Best quality in a friend:
Trustworthy and Humorous
Friend most like a big
sister: someone older than me…hmmm… Stacey
Friend most like a sister: Robin
Friend most like a big brother: Juan
Friend most like a little brother: James, even though he is bigger than me
Favorite group
of friends: They're
all good
Friend that could be something more:
now this is a dangerous question. There are possibly one or two I
wouldn’t mind being with, but I know it’s for the
best that we’re don’t do that.
HAVE YOU EVER
Had a seizure: not unless you
count those convulsions from the hot sauce
Made your Mom cry: she's so proud!!! or ashamed...
Snuck out:
doesn’t really matter in a dorm, the hard part is
sneaking people in
Shoplifted: aw yes my rebelling
9th grade year
Had a tutor: I am the tutor
Flunked a
course:
I just find alternatives, like retaking the class
Cheated
on a test: is “Sparknotes” cheating?
Skipped school:
I’ve missed a few classes too many.
Driven with someone who doesn't have a
license: sure, but if I drove what does
it matter?
Been stalked: ack, stay away!
ALL ABOUT LOVE
Do you have a
crush:
for the last time, yes
If so, who: that cute girl I
talk to a lot who has the coolest personality yet is either taken or
disillusioned herself into believing no one actually likes her more than a
friend
Would you ever ask them out: not right now, I just woke up and my hair is a mess…
Do you have a
gf/bf:
if this survey keeps asking this question, I bet I will have a girlfriend by
the time I finish it. You make it sound like they are an absolute necessity.
“I gotta go buy me a girlfriend
cuz that’s what the survey told me to!”
Do you love him/her: I
luv them even if I don’t
go out with them. Note: love = something you can have for only one person at a
time, a very romantic thing. Luv = feelings you
have for friends, meaning you care for them.
RANDOM QUESTIONS
If you could meet three people, living or
dead, who would they be: M.C. Escher, Rachel Leigh Cook, my “the
one”
What's your greatest fear: not succeeding in completing my dreams and goals during my lifetime
Do you know who sent you this survey: well this particular survey was sent to me by Rachel in Feb of 2000
What's your favorite quote: I have so many that I don’t remember them. They usually pop in my head when I need them to emphasize a point though
What's
in your CD player right now:
7 Variations on the Pachelbel Canon in D
What does your school look like:
a pretty university that is sometimes teeming with life while at other
times is a ghost town.
What time is it now? 12:34 PM
Sat, Dec 1 2001 (man its already taken me 2 months
to do this thing)
there nething u wanna say: quite using lingo like NEthing or U or R. The only lingo allowed is “cuz” and any other words that slipped past my AP Grammar training.
What is your Zodiac sign: Sagittarius
Siblings: Leah
What was the last cd you bought? Hmm, bought or burned? ;) Well I just bought Cowboy Bebop: The Movie but that’s a DVD… I guess it was Warcraft 3 soundtrack (and games)
Last movie you saw in the theater: Bad Boys 2
Last movie you rented: I watched “Jackass: The Movie” with my parents. That was an experience.
Favorite school subject: 3-D modeling, I finally get to animate movies!!!
Do you actually like math: it's gotten me this far
Who are your friends: so many people that if I were to try to name them all I would forget someone and offend them
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Haha! You’ll never get this one out of me!! ah drats... no.....
What's his/her name? its called freedom, try it
Favorite singer(s)/band(s)/group(s): Nobuo Uematsu and others
Favorite author: Robert Jordan
Favorite fashion designer: me (like I care)
What language(s) do you speak? English, a tad of Spanish, and some jayish
What do you look for in a friend? I think I will leave what I wrote originally on the next 2 questions: Someone who's nice and fairly intelligent, and likes to have real, intelligent conversations sometimes. Also someone who likes to have fun, but also knows how to be mature, respectful and decent. Someone not judgmental
What do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend? Look above, plus someone who won't hurt me, someone who I can trust, someone’s whose word is good, someone who can think and not get tangled up in their mind (confused). Someone who is sweet and respects me, basically all the qualities that could never all exist in a women simultaneously (oh boy, someone is going to slap
me) *Editors note* I think I really was slapped for this too
Have you ever smoked? I've been caught on fire....yes
Have you ever lied? no...dang it, you caught me... yes
Do you do any drugs? Prescription ones... no
How many people are on your buddy list? Around 130, I think
How many of them do you talk to? Haha! None! I never get on anymore!
Who's your favorite relative? Do pets count? um, any rich relative I guess
What's your favorite sport(s): anything to do with gymnastics (diving, trampoline) video games!
What's your GPA: not as good as it should be, but at least I’m having fun!
Are you on any sports teams? I was 6 years ago
What Do You Think Of Your Parents: I don’t see them as much anymore, but they are pretty cool when it comes time for me to throw parties.
Teenage smoking: not the smartest thing to do with that little money
Eating disorders: "Hey, I can see through you!!!" :(
Rape: I hate rap...oh, and rape is evil too
Boy Bands: WHEN WILL IT END!!!!
PDA (Public Display of Affection): can be exhilarating depending on the action, but still some things go too far
South Park: It was cool when I was a sophomore… in High School. Now I’m a senior in college…
Even More Random Questions:
Now what time is it? 6:24 August 4, 2003
Did you dress up on Halloween? No, I spent the entire night high on caffeine (mixing Amp and YellowJackets = not good) guarding a school monument from rival-school attacks.
What were you? Well, I was an artist-on-a-caffiene-high-acting-as-a-night-watchman
Do you have a job? Two actually, I work on computers and artwork, and I’m a lifeguard
What college do you go to or want to go to? HSU, Academy of Art in SF
Have you ever been out of the country? I’ve taken two Europe trips and both were quite fun and memorable
Where? Spain and France, England
What are most of your dreams about? Like low-budget movies designed to entertain me or make me think
What/Who do you think about the most? Well, right now I’m in one of those phases where I can’t get this one girl out of my head. But once I get over it I’m sure I’ll think about preparing for my future goals in California
What is your favorite day of the week? The days I’m allowed to sleep in, and the nights before when I don’t have to be in bed at any given time
Have you ever thought about Suicide? When I was a teenager, sure, who doesn’t?
What is your favorite color? Blue… no green *AAAAUUURGHGHGGH* (obscure MP reference)
What's something you do that upsets your friends? be too self-centered I guess
MTV or VH1: BETA!!! nah, MTV
Which One Christina A. or Britney Spears: both are great with Mute on
Spice Girls or All Saints: Who are they? Anyways, I choose death by suffocation
Matt Damon or Ben Affleck: Affleck, just because I actually liked Daredevil
Beverly Hills 90210 or Dawson's Creek: Dawson's Hills
7th Heaven or Party of Five: enough of these freakin number shows, just give me “thirtysomething” and I’ll be happy
Brandy or Monica: never drank anything called monica, or even dated a girl named Monica
Chocolates or flowers: depends on what the girl prefers
Vanilla or chocolate: swirl
Saved by the Bell or USA High: Tiffany Amber Thiessen
Taken or single: When I’m single I wish to be taken, and if in a bad relationship then vice versa
Sugar or salt: Sugar
Silver or gold: gil!
Bears or Monkeys? “Quickly-in-here” “Who’s-driving” “Oh-my-god, Bear’s-driving, how-can-that-be?” (obscure Clerks:TAS reference)
Gym or lunch: either way I am going to see my food, but I prefer to see it before its partially digested
Walk or Run: depends who's chasing me...
Books or music: I read to music
Reading or writing: quicker to read and pay someone to write
Tongue ring or belly button ring: both hurt, but I could handle a belly button better than a tongue
School: What about it?
Drinking: well I have to do that to stay alive, don’t I? Oh, you mean alcohol. Well I prefer sophisticated drinking over the lets-get-drunk-and puke parties
Girls: can break your heart in an instant yet make it soar the next
Guys: can be idiots, but are funny too
Smiling: Why can't I STOP!!
Briefs or boxers: Boxers
Got the life or got no life? They interchange
Is this survey too long? is this redundant?
Have you ever answered 130 such essay questions in your life? Yea, but this is over 1000 questions, not 130 and it’s the second time I’ve done it
McDonalds or Burger King? If they sell two tacos for .99 then I’m happy
Do you like Blondes or Brunettes of the opposite sex better? I’m attracted to blondes initially, but I don’t really prefer one over the other
ITALIAN food? Some of it's really good
Email or snail mail: email is great, but sometimes snail mail is more appropriate and just nicer to receive since people have to actually put EFFORT into them (this e-mail took a lot of effort!)
Kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? Heck if I know, it’s in a yellow bottle and smells good
What are you most scared of? that evil thing in the mirror
What's your favorite food? if its edible I like it, thus I hate Caddo
Do you think you are attractive? I think I'm humble
Do you sleep on your stomach or side or back? on a bed! On my side mostly
What's your favorite finger? Here, I’ll show it to you
What's your favorite fruit? Jolly Ranchers!
What's your favorite candy? Sour Skittles!
With out looking, what underwear are you wearing?? Underwear?
Do you have your license? to kill..... yep!
How many pillows do you sleep with? Usually I am so tired, I don’t even notice if I am on the bed
Have you ever cheated on anyone? No way!
Put one foot in front of the other? how else would I walk?
What theme are you going to have in your kitchen? what the heck are you talking about, I'm a guy!
What color pen do you like to write in the most? A technical pen
Pierced eyebrow, nipple(s) or tongue (4 the opposite sex)? Gets in the way of whatever its in. But I have no complaint with those crazy girls who like to show off their more exotic piercings…
Do you believe in superstition(s)? only before major tests
Gummy bears or gummy worms? gummy worms seem to last longer
Witches or vampires: my mommy told me they don't exist *sniff sniff*
Duct tape, scotch tape, or masking tape: Duck tape
North, South, East, or West? It’s warmer down south
If you had an extra set of eyes where would you put them? Got to watch my back
Would you rather give up candy or soda? Goodbye soda!
If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be? Cancun
Have you ever broken the law? Both you and the feds want to know don't you?
Where do you want to live? Someplace calm and serene (like L.A.)
Who do you want to marry? The one
Of your friends, who is the most
Trustworthy? I trust they already know
Nice? Kirby
Hot? hehe, don't get me in trouble now. If you are a girl, then you are ;)
Athletic? Paul
Smart? John
Dumb? now they wouldn't be my friend now would they?
Annoying? everyone can be
Who do you go to for advice? depends on what its about
Are you hoping this is almost over? MAKE THE PAIN STOP!!
If you could change anything in your life, what would it be? Maybe I shouldn’t try to please everyone at the same time, it gets me into trouble
What do you think about right before you go to bed? why can't I sleep?
What do you think about when you wake up? I just went to bed!!!
What is one thing that you want to do in your lifetime? Travel the world, be it all
What are you known for? ask everyone else
If you could plan a day with someone, what would be some of the things you would want to do? Well, I do have some great romantic tricks up my sleeve, but I won’t give them away here.
Would you rather have a house in the woods, the city, or at the beach? are you giving me a house?
Webpage: I would like a webpage in the woods
Parents: I think I have some
Words, phrases, or actions you say/do too much: sweet, man, cool, ya'll
Scariest thing you've ever seen: mirror creature
What are you thinking about right now? “Man, a lot of these answers are turning out to be the same as the last time I filled this out two years ago. Maybe I should say ‘screw it all’ and just skip to the obscure questions at the bottom. If people want to read more of the same questions they can always go to http://www.hsu.edu/faculty/epperj/Ramblings/qDec01.htm and start half-way down my old questionnaire. Boy, am I ever lazy…”
And
for once I do what I think, now time to skip to the funny stuff:
Off the Wall questions
Hi.
What's up?
Not much, how about you?
How are you?
I’ve done better, but overall I’m good
What is your
name, age, rank, and serial number? Jay, 21, senior, not for sale
Are you feeling well? Why yes,
actually
Do you like your job? I like
working on the computer sometimes and helping others, and I like socializing
with other lifeguards but saving lives. But both jobs can be *really*
boring at times
Are you happy? Most of the time
Are you sick? Of filling out
this form
What is your favorite food? I
crave… a chicken-fried steak right with mashed potatoes right now
Do you eat a lot? I sure try
too, but it will gain on me soon
Do you get a headache from playing so many
games? Yea, and sometimes it makes me sick too
Don't
you hate stupid questions like these? I get them so often that
I’m used to it by now
What do you do in your spare time?
Spare time?
Do you have a bodyguard? Do I
need one?
What do you look like? Medium
height/build, short brunette hair, tan line from hell, goofy looking
Are you married? I sure hope not
Are you a virgin? In the end,
does it really matter? I’m 21, so you can assume
what you must.
Do you wear glasses? Sunglasses,
no more
Where do you live? In a dorm at
a college in a state somewhere near you
Are you tall or short?
average
If you eat spinach,
does it get caught in between your two front teeth? Not if
its raw
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is
around, does it make a sound? I didn’t
hear anything
How long have you worked for IGN?
I don’t…
How did you get your job? I
applied and sorta fell
into it, same with lifegaurding
How many languages do you speak?
English, bad English, some Spanish, and Jay-ish
What is your favorite game?
Lunar 2 Eternal Blue
What is your least favorite game?
“Beat the guy named Jay”
Do you like the smell of rain?
Yep… except acid rain, that stinks
Are you allergic to anything?
Only stupid people
If so, what?
Redundant questions
How smart are you? Smart enough
not to answer that (I do know my IQ score though, hehe)
Are you a homosexual? Quit using
big words!! Nah, I think girls are so much more fun
when it comes to dating
What
color is your hair? Brown
What color are your eyes? Hazel
How fast can
you type?
Let’s test – asevhniasluia;wovnilasinvanl
- that took me less than a second to type, so pretty darn fast
What does your signature look like?
A big “J” with scribble, then an “E” with more
scribble
Are you going to post this letter?
To my website, yep
Do you have an exceptionally large nose?
I’ve actually never seen a profile of
myself
Are you busy? Yea, thanks for
asking
Do you like to talk on the phone?
Actually I do, I just can never bring myself to
call someone when I have other things I need to be doing, thus I never talk…
Do you have your own Playstation2 or does
everybody have to share one? I own my own, but my roommate shares
it
Can you say
"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers" ten times fast? No,
thanks for pointing out yet another flaw of mine
Are you a clean or messy person?
It depends on which is winning my mental war: my work-ahoic
tendencies (“no time for cleaning, gotta work!”)
or my obsessive compulsiveness (“this place must be spotless, *ack*
a piece of dust, kill it kill it!”)
Do the other
IGN editors hate you?
I sure hope not,
I’ve never met them
What kind of smart mouth comment will you
make to this letter? You’re reading it,
baby
Do you have cancer? I could only
be so lucky
Do you have athlete's foot?
Nope, but that doesn’t keep them from stinking
Do you wash your hands after using the
bathroom? Umm…. yea
How often do you shower? Enough
for college… okay at least 5 times a week (I usually sleep through the entire
weekend unless I work)
Do you have any pets?
Not in the dorm…
Are you evil?
Hehe, how’d you know?
Are you an alien? Who told you
that?!?!?
What do you dream about?
If my dreams confuse me, then what will they do to you?
Do you like pie? Humble pie… yea
I love pie
When
you order pizza, what toppings do you get? Meat, meat, meat!!
Have you ever wet your bed?
I’m sure when I was little... oh yea then there was
this time last week…
What kind of shampoo do you use?
Citrus stuff in a white bottle with blue and green logos
Am I asking too many questions?
Why, oh why must you persist?!?
Are you good at math? I can add
two-thirds of the time.
Can you draw? I try every now
and then
Can you sing? I can shatter
windows
Do you play any sports? Nothing
official, but I can run around with a ball acting
like an idiot
Have you ever done anything illegal?
Sure, there was this one time…. Oh wait, um… no. Nope, I never have done
nothing not illegal ;)
How late do you stay up? Until
it is no longer called “late”, but “early”
When do you wake up?!
After my first class is over
Do you brush your teeth before going to
bed? yeppers
Have you ever made a snowman?
When I find that rare thing called “snow” and after I smack unsuspecting
people with snowballs
Since this is Q&A, will you give me the
answers to these questions?
What is your nickname?
Haven’t I already answered this?
Do you own a gun? A water gun
If you do, would you ever shoot another
person with it? You bet! I love wet
people
Do you have a driver's license?
Yea, but it does me no good without a car
Are you healthy,
or a heart attack waiting to happen? A healthy person who is going
to force a heart attack on himself
If you post this, will you edit it so that
only a few questions are left? Nope, I’ll
add more
Have you ever killed anyone?
In counterstrike…
Do you still live with your parents?
Only when I get kicked out of the dorm
Has anybody else ever asked you this many
questions in one letter? Actually yes
Do you have a pool in your backyard?
Yes I do, but since I swim at work I rarely swim
here
Do you even have a backyard?
Yes, but the squirrels have taken it over
Do you have a widescreen TV? I
wish
What is in your refrigerator right now?
Mold probably
Are
you a cat person or a dog person? Dogs all the way
Are you tired? Nope,
it’s still in the PM hours
Do you get enough sleep?
what do “black circles under the eyes” mean?
Have you pierced any part of your body?
Well, not myself, but I do have an earring
Do you have a tattoo? The ones
that come with bubble gum
Are you rich? Yea right,
homeless people have more money than me. So does
Bill Gates
Do you dress in ragged, torn clothes and
beg for money on the street? Why didn’t
you give me any?
Have you ever had surgery? Not
on purpose
What time is it? 8:59 August 4,
2003
What's
going on? Nothing new
Who am I? Some guy who wrote IGN
a bunch of questions which I copied for my own
pleasure
Where are you right now? In
front of my computer, typing in the dark
Is
it hot or cold? Perfect temp. But
usually its too hot
What
kind of music do you prefer? Orchestral video game music
What do you order at restaurants?
The least expensive best tasting food… unless someone else pays for it ;)
Can you cook? I can burn stuff
real good.
What jobs have you had besides at IGN?
I haven’t worked at IGN
Do
you believe in god? I sure better
Do you enjoy reading? I do,
unless I am forced to read
Do you think
"time is money"? No wonder I’m poor, I
have no time
Do you have a beard? A “halfway
job” of one
Do you eat cheese? Add a little
cheese to fix everything
Did you have to have training to get your
current job? A monkey could do it, but then again I
don’t know if monkeys can swim
Are you an alcoholic? Only if
you threw me in a vat of alcohol
Do you smoke? If you light me on
fire
Have you ever smoked anything?
Sure, but my lungs didn’t like it
Do you get the newspaper? The
school paper
If so, what section do you read first?
The comics section to see if they printed my comic that
week.
Don't
you like Chinese food? I love MSG!
How much do you get
paid? Paid? You mean I am supposed to
get paid?
Have you ever slept 24 hours straight?
I’ve tried, believe me, but my teachers kept waking
me up
How many bones are in the human body?
I think I slept through that lecture
Do
you know any famous people? No one you know
Would you want to be famous?
Sure, why not
What do you wear? Clothes most
of the time
Are you ugly? No, but that thing
in the mirror is
Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Not quite sure
If the other Dave is Dave Z, why
aren't you Dave S? Because my name isn’t
Dave
Whose
idea was it to create IGNinsider? Some
money-grubbing prick
Has your computer ever
been infected with a
virus? And I lost 5 years worth of
E-mail…
What picture is on your desktop wallpaper?
A mesh of color and techno
If you bought a
Gamecube, what color would you get? I’m colorblind
though
Who
cuts your hair? Lori, the cute hairdresser (who is also married)
Do you like to watch movies?
Yes, when I have time
Why are you the one who does the ps2
q&a? I
don’t, that’s kaiser
hwaung
Do you eat bacon? I
wouldn’t call that thing they serve at the Caddo
bacon
Are you a werewolf? Only on
full moons
Do you have fangs? Let me bite
you and you’ll find out
Can you play any musical instruments?
Kazoo… oh yea, trumpet, guitar, and piano too
Have you ever donated to charity?
Donate, steal, its all the same in the end
Are you cheap? Are you trying to
buy me?
Can you fly? Hold on,
I’ll go jump off the roof and find out
If you had one wish, what would you wish
for? One really long
wish that kept on going and going
Do you pay your bills
the second they arrive in the mail, or do you wait until the last minute?
By the 3rd notice
Or
do you pay them at all? I don’t get any
Do you drink bottled water or tap water?
Usually cold sink water
Do
you have any friends? Only the ones I buy
Have I asked enough questions yet?
Keep going…
How long have you been playing videogames?
Since I was too young
What is the meaning of life? Ask
Monty Python
Do you know any programming languages?
C++
Is that your final answer?
No, damn you!
Why?
Because there are more questions left
Do you have a runny nose?
nope
Are you crying? When will it end?!?!
Did you hear that?
What? Where?
I’m scared…
When was the last time you cut your
fingernails? When I let them grow long enough where I couldn’t rip
them off
If
everybody else jumped off a cliff, would you do it too? Laugh at
all them stupid people, then get bored and finally jump
off
When
is your birthday? Sooner than when I started these
questions
What's
wrong? I am running out of funny things to say
Are you bored? Why else would I
be answering all these questions
Do you like to sneak up on other people and
scare them? I scare them as it is
What was that? Just a cricket
Do you daydream? Yeah, and my
grades prove it
Is that all?
For now
Do you go jogging? When I wake
up early enough
Do
you ever go outside?! What’s that?
Would you stare directly at the sun for a
minute? My astronomy teacher said that would make you blind, but I
think he was lying
Are
you blind? No, but he is
Are you a fast runner? The cuter
you are, the faster I run towards you
How many questions do
you get asked a day? A lot of
stupid ones
Who
did you vote for? I tried to vote…
Do you try to fool people on April
Fool's Day? And
every other day too!
Would you like for me
to stop asking questions now? Would you please?
Reddie Ranter’s questions
What is your favorite missing
shade of blue? That one *points*
Do you use a generic toothbrush or an electric razor? I shave my
teeth with a spatula
If you had to be a carpet, what kind would you be? Shag!!!!
If today is a Wednesday, what did you eat
13 days ago? Uh……. A little kid I
think?
Have you ever named food? If it starts talking back to me
When you read in bed do you eat, get sleepy, or get
a rash? A book rash!
Do you talk to people? There’s a scary thought
Do they talk back?
Only the dead ones
What do they say? brains…..brains…
BRAINS!!!!!
When it rains, do you play with matches? But they never play back
Is fruit actually sentient?
Let me check… *stabs apple* nope, not that I could
tell
You could
change your name, would it end with and 'e'?
you
could never spell it with these so-called “letters”, it would be a symbol of
my choosing
How tall is
your first cousin?
6 ft?
maybe?
How often do you wash your car?
Not often enough for a small white car
When you wash your car what happens to your laundry? It stays dry…
Would you pay to have your eyebrows shaved? I get them waxed, but never shaved off
Can you speak Klingon? What type of geek do you think I am? Lok-tar!
If you can
would you work in a
New York state
hospital?
You bet I would!
Ever seen ER? Hospitals in big cities are full of
supermodels as workers!
What is the cosine of a python? Average Python length = 5 feet cos
5 = .99619
How many licks does it take to get to the center of the earth? 4.7
trillion
Have you ever had a frog in your throat? *ack*
can’t…speak…
If so why did you swallow a frog?
Because the cafeteria fed it to me as “fresh meat”
Is this the end?
For this year at least…
Wow, glad that’s finally over. Sure I copped out halfway through it and only sent you half the letter I originally intended, but it was long enough don’t you think? Regardless, make sure you go to my webpages I mentioned earlier, and if you liked this attempt at entertainment then make sure you e-mail me! Until next year, try not to get into TOO much trouble (that’s my job).
Quotes of the time:
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you have their shoes and are a mile away!”
“Never underestimate dumb people in large numbers”
“Never get in a fight with an ugly person, for they have nothing to lose”
“All the world’s problems can be solved by finding a stuck-up pretty boy and beating the crap out of him.”
“You- outta the gene pool”
“Patience is a virtue I don't have time to learn”
“Every time I see you I have a sudden desire to be lonely”
“I’ve had a great day, unfortunately this wasn’t it”
“Some people bring happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go”
“You’re a parasite for sore eyes”
“Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
“Better to remain silent and have people believe you to be a fool than to speak and remove all doubt”
“A fine is a tax for doing wrong; a tax is a fine for doing well.”
“Death is just is just Nature’s way of saying ‘You need to slow down’”-Michael Denis
